Big Brother 14...Keeping It Classy

     One down. Three to go.

     The vet posing as a coach posing as everybody's bestie (until she didn't need them anymore) strutted out of the Big Brother house on Thursday night, courtesy of an eight to one vote to evict her. Boogie orchestrated it, the Silent Six executed it, and most of us rejoiced in it. The reasons for it varied, among the house guests and the masses, but the message seemed clear. After all, nothing says, "Get the Hell out" like an eight to one vote.

     To her credit, she managed to keep it classy (albeit a little self-grandizing) until the bitter end, the end being Boogie's good-bye message to her. Do those folks at CBS know which buttons to push or what? Janelle's fans got to see their hero bleeped on national television for calling her biggest adversary a douchebag behind his back, and the rest of us got just another glimpse of the real person beneath the phony facade.
     Which leaves us three vet evictions away from the game that Big Brother was meant to be, the game that we used to be allowed to enjoy, before previous winners and losers (some of them two time, now three time losers) were allowed in and given unfair advantages over the players most of us were tuning in to see.

     Except for Frank. I don't tune in to see Frank. Contrary to the greater good, he is HOH this week and, pursuant to his string puller's wishes, has nominated Wil and Joe for eviction. As if I didn't already have enough reasons to loathe Frank, he goes and puts up other newbies when he should be putting up vets. He wanted to target Dan, but Boogie said no. So he didn't. It seems that I was wrong when I counted Frank as a real player. Not this week anyway. This week he's Boogie's bitch.

     By the way, am I the only one among us that is questioning the "coincidence" of a memory competition to determine HOH every time Frank is eligible to compete? I am referring to the same Frank that sucks at any other type of competition. Just wondering.
     So now we wait. We wait for the outcome of the POV competition and then we wait for the all important decision of whether the POV will be used to save either Wil or Joe. I will be rooting for Wil to win POV and take himself off the block. And then I'll be waiting for someone (Shane is a likely candidate) to convince Frank that eliminating Dan is his and Boogie's best chance to make it to the end. I know, I know...I might as well wish for Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to start falling from the sky.
     So tell us what you're wishing for. And make sure you keep it classy. Just like Janelle.

Big Brother 14...We Have A Rematch

     In one corner, we have Karma, forced to make a return trip to the Big Brother house to finish the work that it began last week. Its primary objective? To rid the house guests (and the rest of us) of the vile cretin that is Frank, AKA Teller of Heinous Lies.

     In the other corner, we have Ironic Justice, also making a repeat appearance, but rather than targeting a lowly minion, its aiming instead for the lowly minion's leader, mean girl and so phony it makes my teeth hurt, Janelle.

     After careful consideration, I've decided that I don't care who emerges victorious. I am an equal opportunity cheerleader this week.
     I have been rooting for Karma to take out Frank since week one when Frank lied about Willie exhibiting homophobic behavior in an attempt to garner votes. The victory would have gone to Karma in last week's match if not for the machinations of Allison Grodner. A win tomorrow night would restore an element of fair play removed from the game last week, and ensure that the aforementioned vile cretin does not benefit from a lie that no one should tell under any circumstances. Go Karma!
     I have been rooting for Ironic Justice since week two when Shane partnered up with Boogie and Frank to target Janelle's team. It just seemed so appropriate that the people planning to go after her were people that she had betrayed (Shane because, as a member of Britney's team, he was no longer useful to Janelle once Boogie's team was in power) or was getting ready to betray (Frank and Boogie because their reign was almost at an end). Janelle is a shameless floater, attaching herself to whoever is currently occupying the HOH room. The over-the-top display of enthusiasm when Danielle won the endurance competition was just this side of ridiculous. Go Ironic Justice!
     Also, and I have been quite vocal about this, the vets should never have been allowed to play. A win for Ironic Justice tomorrow night would mean one less vet in the game. I realize that it was the vets who put Janelle within reach of Ironic Justice and, for this, I am grateful. And perfectly willing to sit back and watch the vets take each other out.
     To say that I'm disappointed in the newbies would be so much more polite than they deserve. The only two that seem to be playing the game (besides the vets) are Shane and Frank (who is so reprehensible that he doesn't count) so, unless the puppets decide to become players and ally themselves with Shane and Frank, these two newbies will be nothing more than pawns to get the vets to the end, where a vet will win. Just like last season.

     There have been reports on Twitter by feeders who have seen puppets Wil, Jenn, and Ashley showing signs of becoming real players, but I refuse to let myself hope. These are the same people who decided to ignore Willie's warning about the "coaches" running the game. It will take more than talk to make a believer out of me.

     I won't be watching tonight's episode. I have zero interest in the edited version of the manipulation of Danielle, the needy, neurotic, and certifiably delusional puppet who will most likely take the credit for Janelle's eviction (if it happens) when it was Boogie and Dan (with a little help from Britney) who have been pulling the strings in the house this week. I might tune in for the last few minutes though. I've seen the screenshots of Janelle looking like she'd been dragged backward through a bush after the POV ceremony, but seeing her in the moment that she realizes that Ironic Justice has snuck up on her arrogant self promises to be entertaining.
     So tell us what you think. Karma or Ironic Justice? Vets or Newbies? Intense psychotherapy or a psychopharmacological cocktail of antipsychotic drugs and antidepressants for Danielle? Or both? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Same Hell Different Day

     Welcome to a brand new season of Big Brother. We have twelve house guests, all were eligible to compete in the HOH competition and all are playing as individuals for the same $500,000 prize. There are no teams being controlled by "coaches". What we have now is eight newbies and four vets playing the game that the perpetual double-dealer Allison Grodner meant us to have all along, the first three weeks of this season being just a slight of hand that fooled nobody.

     Hang on a sec. A brand new season is not what Julie Chen promised us the other night. She said "reset", and she said it enough times that I know I heard her correctly. So...shouldn't the game have reverted to its original setting? Shouldn't Jodi, Kara, Willie, and JoJo have been restored to the game when it "reset"? It could be that my fair play loving soul is speaking up in protest of something that smacks of underhandedness when it should be shutting the hell up and not questioning the integrity of the shady people trying to sell me a figurative bridge to nowhere. But I don't think so.

     What I perceive to be a glaring error in semantics (and a gross violation of the ethics of fair play) aside, I will try to accept the hand I was dealt. I have a brand new game to watch and it could still be a good one. Right? After all, there is a newbie currently occupying the HOH room and she is unencumbered by nonsense like a CBS engineered twist that would require her to defer to a "coach" because she no longer has one. She also has the power to right some wrongs, starting with those vets that Allison Grodner brought in disguised as coaches. I say put two of them on the block (my picks would be Janelle and Boogie) and then renom another vet if one of the nominees wins POV. Simple, yes? The newbies have the numbers to eliminate the vets (have I mentioned that they outnumber them two to one?), and, if my calculations are correct, they could do it quickly because it appears that CBS has screwed itself into needing two double evictions in order to end this season on time. Right? I can't help visualizing two vets, keyless and miserable, at the end of the Nomination Ceremony and I smile in anticipation of tonight's episode.

     My brief visit to the Happy Land of Delusions ends abruptly (and meanly) thanks to my perpetual enemy Harsh Dose of Reality. One of my sources, who had been lurking over my shoulder while I was typing, began snickering. When confronted, he tells me that Wil and Frank are on the block and then confirms my suspicion that Dan had something to do with it. *looks around for something to throw*
     So, the brand new game is just the same game that was being played before the "reset". The vets are controlling the game and the newbies are letting them. Sounds an awful lot like last season to me.

     My sources tell me not to give up on the newbies yet because Danielle won the POV. *laughs and makes sarcastic remarks until sources threaten to leave* Okay. So what will Danielle do with this power? Probably whatever she's told to do with it by Ex "Coach" Dan and her make-believe honey pie, Shane. Based on what we've seen so far, I think this is a fair assumption. But then I learn that Boogie has made a convincing argument for taking down one of the nominees and renoming Janelle, and Danielle is considering it. This is good. This means that not all hope is lost, but it does depend on the whims of a wishy-washy newbie still operating in puppet mode and desperately seeking the approval of the temporary men in her temporary life. *sighs deeply and begins counting the days until Survivor starts*

     So tell us what you think. Does the "reset" seem like a rerun to you? Am I wrong for thinking that targeting the vets is the obvious choice? And what about the POV? What do you think Dan and Shane will tell Danielle to do with it? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Willie Hantz Gone But Not Forgotten

     There are no words strong enough to describe the current state of affairs in the Big Brother house. Actually there are, all of them profane, but my daughter, who has had quite the foul mouth on her lately, knows how to use the word hypocrite in the proper context.
     Some words I can use...

     Teller of heinous lies. I have always held gifted liars in the highest esteem, they get the farthest in this game. But there are some lines that should never be crossed, not even for a big pile of money, and that *whispers a profane word* Frank probably farted on it on his way over it. Willie DID NOT imitate Wil in a way that could be considered offensive. We all saw it because CBS showed it to us on Thursday night, probably so we could see and hear the same thing that Frank and Britney (I'll get to her in a minute) did. Frank lied about something vile that DID NOT happen in an effort to save himself from eviction. And it worked. That *whispers another even better profane word* is now at the tippy top of my list of people I want gone from the Big Brother house.

     "Victim" of her own stupidity and lack of moral compass. Britney knew who she was dealing with when she ran her mouth to Willie about the possibility of the coaches entering the game. She had to know that he would A. try to do something about it, and B. go about it in a way that would probably annoy the other newbies as well as plaster a big fat target on his back with the "coaches". It was a stupid thing to do and she deserves what happens next. Furthermore, she was present when Willie DID NOT make fun of Wil for being gay. She knew that Frank was lying, and that *shouts profane word for a woman's lady part because daughter has finally left for work* allowed the house to vilify an innocent man, who is also a member of her team, without speaking a single word in his defense. I want her gone. And, in the meantime, I want her to stop whining and blaming Willie for the troubles she brought on herself.

     Loudmouth troublemaker. He yells at me during DR, he is either incapable or unwilling to keep a secret, and he creates drama and chaos whenever and wherever anyone might be experiencing a moment of peace. He is everything I avoid. I want him gone too, hopefully with Ashley in a double eviction.

     My favorite Hantz. I labeled Willie a figurehead early in his reign as HOH because the decisions that were his to make were actually being made by his "coach" and her alliance, another "coach". To his credit, Willie made every effort to rectify this situation once it was brought to his attention. He attempted to organize a rebellion, rallying the newbies to play the game they had signed up for rather than the one their "coaches" were using them to play for themselves. He was accused of something vile by someone, that *whispers profane word for location of male's second brain because husband is now home and has been known to blab to daughter* Frank, who, according to one of my sources (daughter's friend with access to Live Feeds), later admitted that he told this lie to secure someone's (Ashley's?) vote. He was then treated heinously by pretty much everyone in the house over something he didn't do. My source also tells me that Willie was even treated badly by members of his own team, including his "coach" Britney who laid all the blame for problems, caused by her utter lack of leadership skills and her inability to keep her trap shut, on him.
     I wish I could say that he handled these hardships well. I believe that he did the best he could. It couldn't have been easy to live with being unjustly labeled homophobic and then scapegoated, and, if faced with the prospect of being trapped in a house with people that would do that to someone, I don't know that I could have kept my temper either.

     As I understand it, Willie warned the posse running the house this week what was coming and then proceeded to give CBS several reasons to expel him. I cannot support his doing this because I oppose violence, except the verbal kind hurled at a big-nosed *whispers profane word for a female dog* who has gone out of her way to provoke an altercation and therefore deserves it, but I do understand why he did it. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Willie did not deserve what happened to him in that house. I will miss him. He was the only one not willing to play the "coaches" game and, for this, I respect him.
     I have a few thoughts about the puppets that Willie left behind and CBS for the part they played in perpetuating his downward spiral, but I'm out of words I can use. For now.
     So tell us what you think. Do you agree with Willie's choice to leave the game? Or should he have stayed and let others determine his fate in the game? And what about the people responsible for the position he ultimately found himself in? What kind of words do you have for them? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Hell Has Been Raised

     How does one celebrate such delicious news? I know how it would have gone down in the days before I had a teenage daughter to set a good example for, but these days I will just have to settle for a trip to Barnes and Noble where I will purchase books with reckless abandon ( that means without concerning myself about such trivial matters as cost or where the hell I'm going to put them) and indulge in the biggest white chocolate mocha I can get Starbucks to sell me. Heaven. Absolute Heaven.
     So what, may you ask, has me in such a celebratory mood when what I should be doing is plotting my escape from the pit of despair that Sunday night's episode of Big Brother cast me into? Well, my informant tells me that the newbies are in full on rebellion mode and hell has not only been raised but it is tearing through the Big Brother house with a wicked fury that is delightful to behold.
     Not that I don't trust my daughter to deal straight with me about something this important (I do control her allowance and her freedom after all), but one of my hard and fast rules is to always verify the validity of a juicy rumor before spreading it. So, what should have been a glamorous morning spent cleaning bathrooms and Hoovering an appalling amount of dog hair from the carpets was invested instead in a search for the truth, which, HALLELUJAH and thank you very much, was posted in all my favorite blogs and will be summarized for you here. For all the gloriously gory details check out any of the fine Big Brother blogs scattered about for your entertainment. I will be posting a list of my favorites as soon as I get the Blogger widget thingy all figured out.
     As I understand it, Britney, suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, blabbed to Willie hers and Janelle's theory that the coaches would be entering the game at some point. Incensed over being used by the coaches to further their own game, Willie calls a newbies only house meeting and, faster than you can say Russell Hantz's brother, he has the troops whipped into a coach hating frenzy and ready to do battle for their right to play for a half million dollars without interference from the hasbeens that were foisted on them by a double dealing CBS.
     While it's true that the newbies' shift to DEFCON 2 (that's war readiness for those of you whose fathers weren't in the Air Force) would not go unnoticed by the "coaches" for long, they were alerted unnecessarily early by Joe, who apparently suffers from the same affliction as Britney, and now it's on.

     What happened next was probably the result of one man's crusade to put an end to the newbie rebellion that he opposes for reasons I cannot fathom. Joe attempts to take out its fearless leader by pouring Willie's risky secret plan involving Thursday night's vote into Frank's ear. While reassuring Frank that he will not be evicted this week, Willie apparently does a passable imitation of Wil's southern accent, which then triggers the kind of shitstorm seldom seen outside of anywhere that adolescents congregate and, of course, the Big Brother house.

     I doubt that even Frank knows what drove him to do what he does next, but straight to blabbermouth Joe he goes and tells him, get this, that Willie made fun of Wil for being gay. Joe, Big Brother's resident shit stirrer, can't wait to open his big fat mouth and repeat this blatant lie to EVERYBODY.
     The result is the aforementioned shitstorm. Willie gets labeled a homophobe in absentia (he's up in the HOH room oblivious to the beating that his good name is taking) and the house gets to planning his lynching.

     Once somebody, I think it was Britney blabbing something she should for a change, clues Willie in, it doesn't take long for him to get himself out to the yard and call Frank out for the liar that he is in front of everybody, except for Ian who seems to be living mostly in whatever reality show is going on inside his head. Even Boogie and Dan are present and awake for a change. Apparently what ensued should not be missed by anyone and it is my sincere wish that CBS bless us with it in it's entirety before the vote tomorrow night.
     So tell us what you think. Does a potential rebellion make you want to celebrate in your favorite way? If so, are you concerned that yesterday's drama in the yard will end the rebellion before it even gets going? And what about all the excessive running off at the mouth that these people are doing? Is it bugging you yet, or are you loving the fallout from it? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.