Big Brother 14...The Long Con

This is Dan in full-on puppet whisperer mode.

People who are not immune to the power of Dan allow themselves to be talked into making moves that are detrimental to their own (and others') game. A recent example of this is Big Brother's resident loony, Danielle, falling victim to Dan's puppet whispering ways and handing him the power to decide her pretend future husband's fate in the game. The result?

This is Shane tattling to Julie about what a dirty player Dan is.

And this is Danielle, clearly shocked that Dan betrayed her.

The fallout? Shane shoved Dan, who appeared to be attempting to puppet whisper him (probably trying to secure his jury vote), on his way out the door. Dan did damage control with Danielle, claiming that he acted in her best interests. And Danielle did what all good little puppets do. She gave in to the power of Dan, thus perpetuating the long con that Dan began the moment that he entered the Big Brother house.

This is Dan attempting to puppet whisper his way to a Final HOH Round 1 victory.

This is Danielle, who has clearly not learned her lesson, letting him.

And this is the celebratory hug after Danielle threw the endurance competition to Dan.

Which leads us to the inevitable questions. Is the power of Dan really that strong? Strong enough to overcome what Shane's stalker would consider to be the ultimate betrayal of her trust? Dan may be the most gifted liar and manipulator to ever play a reality game show, but I don't think that even his power should have survived a betrayal like that undiminished in strength. Which brings us to...Is Danielle really that stupid? The answer to that, unfortunately, seems to be "yes". The upside? If Princess Diminished Capacity manages to win this game, she'll have access to the best therapeutic intervention that money can buy.

This is Ian not in his hammock for a change.

Whether Dan intends for Ian to survive to see the end of his long con or not, I can't count Ian out. He's a scrappy little puppet that really, really wants to win. He could be the obstacle that keeps Dan from his check. He's capable of winning comps and he's smart enough to figure out what Dan is really up to. The probability of an Ian upset? The same as a real Danielle and Shane romance.

Only five more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...Certifiable And In Charge

     So...The lunatic is now running the asylum. She is HOH and the holder of the most critical POV of the season, and must choose between the two temporary men in her temporary life.

     Will she use the POV to take Dan off the block, let Shane take his vacated perch, and leave Dan to evict either Shane or Ian? At this point, the answer seems to be "yes". She may have been whispered into believing that Shane will be safe while Dan bloodies his hands for her, taking out Ian. Or she may actually think that she has a better chance to win against Dan than Shane, and is willing to let Dan do the dirty work, eliminating Shane. Who knows what thoughts are running amok through the tangle of crazy that passes for her mind. Regardless of whatever is going on in there, my money's on Dan to walk away from the block with the power to eliminate Shane tonight.

     Ian's best shot at surviving the block tonight is the last shred of sanity gasping for air somewhere in the darkness of obsessive unrequited love roiling inside of the nutjob in charge of his fate. He better hope that that shred of sanity hollers real loud (and often) and reminds Danielle that there's a huge pile of money at stake, otherwise her pretend future husband is going to send him to hell, where Britney, Boogie, and Frank will, no doubt, make him so miserable that no amount of rocking will calm him. Ian needs Danielle to play to win and choose Dan, and then he needs Dan to perceive Shane as the bigger threat to his victory.
     What do I need? CBS to give us the game that Big Brother used to be before Allison Grodner "fixed" it.
     Only six more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...Enough Already

     Just like that, what had been a shoddy rerun of last season became trash that required a strong stomach and impaired hearing to watch. And all it took was the adolescent narcissism braying and cackling from my television to accomplish it.

     That's right. Allison Grodner can't seem to control whatever urge it is that compels her to foist hasbeens on us. First it was the four vets that strutted in on day one posing as "coaches". Then we had to suffer another visit from that roidhead Jessie Godderz who paraded through the Big Brother house like a Magic Mike castoff desperate for work. After that atrocity, Sunday night was just too much for my already sorely tested gag reflex to take. Pandora's Box belched up a prerecorded Rachel Reilly at her most obnoxious instead of Ian's parents, and he wasn't the only one who wanted to vomit.
     If CBS can't or won't retire (terminate) Allison Grodner, can someone (anyone) please make her retire Pandora's Box? It's bad enough that the hasbeens are allowed to come in through the front door. They shouldn't be allowed to skulk in (electronically or in person) via a closet in the HOH room.

     The rest of Sunday night's episode was dedicated to showcasing the power of puppet whisperer Dan. Unfortunately for the remaining puppets, it also cast them in a pretty unflattering light, especially Jenn. She knew Dan for the double dealer that he is when he didn't renom Shane after Ian won the POV during Dan's HOH reign on Thursday night. To my knowledge, she has not used this information to try to save herself, and can't (legitimately) blame anyone but herself when she gets evicted later today.

     That will leave us with a Quack Pack final four *gags* whose members will be picked off by its leader on his way to pick up his check. Whether Dan will bloody his own hands or whisper at his puppets until they bloody theirs is the only unknown at this point.
     Only eight more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...Good Riddance To A Vile Puppet

     He began life in the Big Brother house as a puppet. He ended it as the fool who succumbed to the power of Dan. In the interim, he told a vicious lie, enjoyed salvation from certain eviction thanks to that meddling busybody Allison Grodner, cheated during competitions (and got away with it), and ultimately expedited his own transfer to the jury house by failing to become a real player, choosing instead to obey his Grodner given master, Mike Boogie.

     It took five weeks longer than it should have--I'm glaring at you again, executive producer from the land of incompetents--but Frank is FINALLY gone. Please commence celebrating in whatever way you deem appropriate.

     Which reminds me...What possessed Julie Chen to conduct her post eviction interview with Frank in the hushed tones of someone consoling the grievously wronged? What she should have been doing is calling him to account for his many sins (including his shameless, and a little bit creepy, hijacking of Boogie's clothes from storage) with a disdain equal to his vileness. Add that sham of an interview to the rather long list of the ways that this season has failed to live up to its own standards.

     The perpetual thrower of competitions actually managed an HOH win last night, killing my wish to see his butt parked on Julie's couch right after Frank. Dan's short reign was not a total loss, however. I will never again have to listen to that obnoxious troublemaker Joe hollering at me from my television. I can live with that.

     What I can't live with is Ian allowing his HOH reign to be commandeered by puppet whisperer Dan. Ian should be masterminding Dan's demise, not renegading around with him and planning to nominate Jenn and Shane according to Dan's manipulations. *sighs* Add Ian to the short list of puppets (Shane and Frank) who became real players, only to revert to their original puppet state.

     Although it galls me to admit it, this game is Dan's to lose. He's running the house and has alliances to cover all contingencies. And no one left in the game seems to be aware of it, or care enough to do anything about it.
     The good news? There are only twelve more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...Quack On, For Now

                                                                        Three down.

                                                                          One to go.

     

     Dan gave an Oscar worthy performance that brought his audience to tears, and then manipulated his arch nemesis into plotting his fellow Quack Packer's demise, saving himself from certain eviction. Many have said (and written) that this flash of brilliance has earned him Dr. Will's place as master of the Big Brother universe. I have acknowledged (with a considerable show of temper) that if he makes it to the end he deserves to win, which is why Ian needs to whip that sorry bunch of floaters and incompetents into a force able to resist Dan's uncanny ability to mindfuck anyone within range of the sound of his voice and send him to the jury house, where he can spend some quality time in awkward cohabitation with Britney and whoever is unfortunate enough to be stuck in there with them (in a perfect world, that would be Frank).

     Why Ian? Because he's my only hope. He is the only real player left in the game, except for Dan (who would make an excellent candidate for Thursday night's second eviction), and has acquired some excellent manipulative skills while living with two of the most gifted manipulators (Dan and Boogie) to ever play the game. He cut his own mentor's throat, which makes me think (hope) that he has it in him to use Dan and the Quack Pack one last time to rid the house of Frank (FINALLY), and then express his gratitude by orchestrating Dan's immediate exit and post eviction interview with Dan's buddy "Mrs. Chen".

     As long as I'm fantasizing things that will probably never come to pass, I might as well give Ian and his new alliance (Shane, Danielle, and Jenn) a name worthy of the task I want them to undertake. The Vigilantes has a nice ring to it, and it seems appropriate given the circumstances. The Vigilantes can avenge their fallen comrades, the poor newbies that were used and then discarded by the merciless vets who entered the house disguised as "coaches" and played their own game. 

     Yup, that's right. I'm still waiting for those Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to fall from the sky. Isn't that part of being a Big Brother fan? Wanting the impossible?

     So tell us what you're waiting for. And you might as well dream big. You never know.

Big Brother 14...The Power of Dan

     After spending twenty-four hours locked down in a Tim Burtonesque outpost of CrazyTown Nightclub, most people might be candidates for psychiatric intervention, mandatory time in a room with soft walls and the required cozy jacket that buttons up the back perhaps. But Dan Gheesling is NOT most people.
     Dan is the vet that entered the Big Brother house disguised as a coach, who later became the fall guy for Ian's sins against ChillTown 2.0, and is now, thanks to a brilliantly conceived and executed plan, master of his own fate.
     The collateral damage of Dan's salvation?
     Ian, whose every duplicitous move was outed to Frank by Dan, has been doing a lot of swearing and accusation hurling, when he's not pacing and swilling beer.
     And Britney, who "adjusted her game" (smooched both of Frank's butt cheeks) in preparation for Frank's HOH win, has taken Dan's vacated spot on the block and must rely on Shane's loyalty (like he could rely on hers?), Joe's word (which he gives to everybody, so is therefore only worth anything a small percentage of the time), and Ian's ability to stay strong in the face of peer pressure (and the urge to submit to Dan's will) to save her. Pack your chips Britney, and get ready to move your whining to the jury house.
     The "victim" of Dan's performance, turned double agent?
     If Danielle isn't a strong candidate for the aforementioned psychiatric intervention, then I must have misunderstood everything that professor said over the course of an entire semester of Abnormal Psychology during undergrad. And the double agent thing isn't fooling anybody in the house, so, somebody, please make her stop.
     My opinion of a vet managing to talk himself down from the Big Brother equivalent of a ledge near the tippy top of a building several stories high that Frank was ready and a little too eager to shove Dan off of? I have made no secret of my opposition to the vets being allowed to play. It ruined the season for me, as it did for a lot of fans. That said...If Dan makes it to the end, he deserves to win. *screams into pillow*
     I am going to remember where I hid the Baileys from my teenage daughter and then begin the process of forgetting all of this. Feel free to talk among yourselves.

Note: My apologies to you for the absence of accompanying screenshots. Blogger's "insert image" feature has been malfunctioning (without any acknowledgement of my repeated pleas for assistance) for over twenty-four hours, and I used up the last of my patience on the mouthy teenager I gave birth to. This post with screenshots can be found at fairgamebylou.tumblr.com.

Big Brother 14...ChillTown 2.0 Can't Come To The Phone Right Now

     I am STILL laughing.

     Love her or hate her, Britney gave most of us (ChillTown 2.0 and their two or three fans can just continue to suck it) the biggest laugh we've had all summer with the best good-bye message to an evicted house guest that we've had in a long time, perhaps ever. It was the perfect send-off (flip-off?) to the instigating force behind the poorly resurrected ChillTown, and, with any luck, that will be the last time an imaginary phone rings in the DR.

     For those of us keeping track...Two down. Two to go.

     The second best moment of Thursday night's show was delivered to us by the puppet that became the mole that revealed himself to be a real player in his good-bye message to his mentor, Boogie. It even earned him a rare show of respect from the player who prides himself on being the smartest person in the Big Brother house. *snickers* The bitter irony? Boogie and Frank embarked on a childish (and futile) mission to make the wrong player (Dan) miserable this week for blabbing their plans to target Shane and Britney. I wonder if Boogie is feeling foolish yet. He should be.

                                         Every time I see this, I think that we've all been played.

     

     As for Ian's short reign as HOH during the second eviction...I have to give him credit for trying to finish what he started. He nominated the remaining member of the ChillTown 2.0 alliance and his plus one. After Frank won the POV, I would have liked to see Dan go up on the block to bring us a step closer to that vet-free game I've been wanting. But I can see why Ian might not have wanted to turn on his new alliance so soon after "scumbagging" the last one, and (in theory) evicting Frank's plus one should make Frank easier to evict in the near future.

    The teller of the most vicious lie in the history of Big Brother is currently ensconced in the HOH room AGAIN, even though he should have been evicted three weeks ago. One of my hard and fast rules is to not hate people. Allison Grodner and her stupid "reset" have already sorely tested my resolve in this regard, but the longer I have to tolerate her pet, Frank the perpetual adolescent, the more likely it becomes that I will lose that particular battle.

     As far as twists go, Pandora's Box is not the worst, but it does seem to conveniently appear whenever one of the popular player's fan base needs appeasing, like last season when Rachel was practically out the door until Pandora's Box opened and magically restored the twist that saved her. I would prefer to see a game played out that relied on strategy and competition, rather than gifts ("twists") bestowed upon certain players by Allison Grodner and her team of lackeys. But that's not the game I get to see anymore. *sighs and reminisces about the early seasons of Big Brother, before somebody decided to fix something that wasn't broken*

     So Pandora's Box was opened yesterday and the Quack Pack *smirks* caught a break. Ian won a special POV (a golden ball) from the crane game in the Arcade Room, and the prevailing theory was that he would use it to save Dan, whom Frank has targeted for eviction. I rolled my eyes upon hearing this, knowing that all Frank had to do to render Ian's special power useless would be to stick Ian on the block and make him save himself.

     Apparently, Frank was Boogie's bitch a week too long because his training has impaired his ability to think. Frank nominated Dan and Danielle last night. This makes me smile because I never wanted the vets in the house to start with, but Frank could not afford to be this stupid. He might as well have put up the last two floaters in the house. *frowns and shakes head in confusion*

     So now we wait. We wait for the outcome of the POV Competition, which Dan needs to win to guarantee his safety, and then for Monday's POV Ceremony, which will probably reveal where loyalties really lie in the house. Alliances seem to be shuffling right now, but it may turn out to be merely for the sake of appearances, to outplay the remaining dregs of ChillTown 2.0 one final time.

     Please leave a message for ChillTown 2.0...

Big Brother 14...The Consequences of Adolescent Mentality

     A brief summary of last night's episode.

     The real player did not take a real stand or real responsibility for his nominations when confronted by Boogie and Frank, opting instead to shove Britney under the bus and let it mash her at maximum speed, then back over her.

     This season's biggest whiner berated Shane in much the same manner (like the bitchiest teenage girl you've ever encountered) that she did Willie for making her a "huge target" in the house. Shane made a good argument for being weary of having to do all his alliance's dirty work which she ignored. In an obvious attempt to cover her own ass, Britney denied any responsibility for their nominations to Boogie and Frank. Big Brother's resident "mastermind" then inadvertently and obliviously cast suspicion on Dan.

     When confronted by Boogie and Frank, Dan covered for Ian, who is the actual blabber of ChillTown 2.0's secrets, and took the heat with class when Boogie and Frank proceeded to behave like a couple of adolescents, resorting to emotional intimidation in an attempt to get what they want.

     Cheating scandal? What cheating scandal? The POV Competition was edited into what passed for an ordinary, incident-free competition that cast no suspicion on the legitimacy of Frank's victory. What Allison Grodner couldn't edit? Ashley's shameless throwing of the competition to Frank, "folding" in the final round against him.

     Who? Shane's renom got dragged into a game that she had managed to avoid. Until now.

     Only a last-minute "twist" courtesy of Allison Grodner can save him now.
     So give us your take on last night's episode. Based on what you saw, is Big Brother starting to resemble the hormonally challenged train wreck that you would get if you took a random sample from the teenage population of your local high school? Or is it just me, a little overcome by the close proximity of my own hormonally challenged people, imagining grown-ups behaving like adolescents? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...ChillTown 2.0 Still Sucking It

     The unthinkable has happened. Frank won the POV on Saturday and has used it to take himself off the block today. *briefly contemplates the consequences of a shot of Baileys Irish Cream in coffee on an empty stomach*
     I learned about Frank's victory Saturday night, after a seven hour blackout of the feeds by Big Brother's crack production team led by the increasingly incompetent and duplicitous Allison Grodner. The reason for the blackout? A cheating scandal that said incompetent seems desperate to cover up.

     Apparently, Frank and Boogie cheated during the POV Competition, and production ruled that the cheating did not affect the result because Frank would have won anyway. I don't know what school of fair play Allison Grodner graduated from, but where I come from cheating gets your ass disqualified, not safe from eviction.
     So, in a poorly disguised (and executed) attempt to keep the feeders from learning the lengths that production will go to to keep Frank in the game, feeders get fish every time a house guest alludes to Frank cheating. It seems that "live and uncensored" is actually code for "limited footage and corresponding information that Allison Grodner wants released". I can't wait to see CBS's self-serving edit of what occurred during the blackout. My advice to them...pretending it didn't happen won't make it go away, or us forget about it.

     The upside of this travesty? The end of ChillTown 2.0. Shane continues to be a real player (despite that cowardly Nomination Ceremony speech), and refused to renom Dan in Frank's place, choosing to pit Boogie against Jenn instead. Boogie's eviction is almost certainly a lock.
     I say "almost" because I have not forgotten the threat of Pandora's Box, a tool that Allison Grodner has a habit of using to save her favorites, and, she for some inexplicable reason, wants ChillTown 2.0 defiling the Big Brother house. With half the team allowed to save himself by cheating, will Pandora's Box enter the game to save the other half by Thursday night? History tells us that the possibility is real and we can't rule it out. *sighs and reaches for the Baileys*
     So tell us your views on cheating. Should Frank have been disqualified? Or is it okay that Allison Grodner gave him a pass on the cheating and the POV? And what about Pandora's Box? Wouldn't it be great if we never saw it again? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Suck It ChillTown 2.0

     All Hail Shane Meaney! He's the puppet that became a real player that is poised to become the architect of the demise of that shoddy imitation of the original ChillTown. The nomination of Boogie and Frank yesterday was the best moment in the Big Brother house since Willie Hantz rallied his fellow newbies to the brink of rebellion. I would gladly send Shane a crate of Monsters in tribute to the biggest move of the game this season if CBS would only let me.

     The fallout from these nominations is as entertaining as the nominations were masterful. Britney is giving Danielle some serious competition in her bid for Mayor of CrazyTown as she attempts to remove the "huge target" that she is convinced Shane staple-gunned to her back when he cited her as the most influential in his decision to park Boogie and Frank on the block. She's such a "mastermind" that she hasn't realized that Dan is the one that Boogie and Frank perceive as the real threat.
     Speaking of Danielle...She continues to spin her own myth in whatever spare time she has left over from stalking Shane. Which brings me to this amazing shot of Danielle shortly after being denied entry to a meeting being held by her own alliance.

     To the mysterious benefactor that sent me this, Thank You. You made my day.

     As I wait impatiently for those slackers to finish the POV Competition (I think we're going on five hours now), I imagine Shane winning it and keeping his nominations the same. I don't care which of them gets booted out on Thursday night. Boogie is a vet that shouldn't even be there, and Frank is a loathsome excuse for a human being who would have been evicted two weeks ago if not for the interference of Allison Grodner and shouldn't even be there either.
     Speaking of everyone's least favorite pain in the ass...Rumor has it that Pandora's Box is going to be utilized in a way that is guaranteed to piss me off. Apparently, Shane revealed that production tried to talk him out of nominating Boogie and Frank, so the speculation is that the meddlesome bitch is going to use Pandora's Box to save one or both of them. How can CBS continue to maintain that production does not manipulate the game in any way? Because, for them, lying is a reflex, like breathing, and it's a condition of employment.
     So tell us what you think of ChillTown 2.0's impending doom. Canonize Shane as a hero, or demonize him as a villain. Your choice. Just be sure to cite your reasons for doing so in a way that even a CBS honcho can understand (no words of more than one syllable). You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Note: I know that, as soon as I post this, the feeds will return, probably with a result that will incite me to rant in a follow-up post, which I will most certainly do. With all the profane words at my disposal. Count on it.