Big Brother 14...Good Riddance To A Vile Puppet

     He began life in the Big Brother house as a puppet. He ended it as the fool who succumbed to the power of Dan. In the interim, he told a vicious lie, enjoyed salvation from certain eviction thanks to that meddling busybody Allison Grodner, cheated during competitions (and got away with it), and ultimately expedited his own transfer to the jury house by failing to become a real player, choosing instead to obey his Grodner given master, Mike Boogie.

     It took five weeks longer than it should have--I'm glaring at you again, executive producer from the land of incompetents--but Frank is FINALLY gone. Please commence celebrating in whatever way you deem appropriate.

     Which reminds me...What possessed Julie Chen to conduct her post eviction interview with Frank in the hushed tones of someone consoling the grievously wronged? What she should have been doing is calling him to account for his many sins (including his shameless, and a little bit creepy, hijacking of Boogie's clothes from storage) with a disdain equal to his vileness. Add that sham of an interview to the rather long list of the ways that this season has failed to live up to its own standards.

     The perpetual thrower of competitions actually managed an HOH win last night, killing my wish to see his butt parked on Julie's couch right after Frank. Dan's short reign was not a total loss, however. I will never again have to listen to that obnoxious troublemaker Joe hollering at me from my television. I can live with that.

     What I can't live with is Ian allowing his HOH reign to be commandeered by puppet whisperer Dan. Ian should be masterminding Dan's demise, not renegading around with him and planning to nominate Jenn and Shane according to Dan's manipulations. *sighs* Add Ian to the short list of puppets (Shane and Frank) who became real players, only to revert to their original puppet state.

     Although it galls me to admit it, this game is Dan's to lose. He's running the house and has alliances to cover all contingencies. And no one left in the game seems to be aware of it, or care enough to do anything about it.
     The good news? There are only twelve more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...The Power of Dan

     After spending twenty-four hours locked down in a Tim Burtonesque outpost of CrazyTown Nightclub, most people might be candidates for psychiatric intervention, mandatory time in a room with soft walls and the required cozy jacket that buttons up the back perhaps. But Dan Gheesling is NOT most people.
     Dan is the vet that entered the Big Brother house disguised as a coach, who later became the fall guy for Ian's sins against ChillTown 2.0, and is now, thanks to a brilliantly conceived and executed plan, master of his own fate.
     The collateral damage of Dan's salvation?
     Ian, whose every duplicitous move was outed to Frank by Dan, has been doing a lot of swearing and accusation hurling, when he's not pacing and swilling beer.
     And Britney, who "adjusted her game" (smooched both of Frank's butt cheeks) in preparation for Frank's HOH win, has taken Dan's vacated spot on the block and must rely on Shane's loyalty (like he could rely on hers?), Joe's word (which he gives to everybody, so is therefore only worth anything a small percentage of the time), and Ian's ability to stay strong in the face of peer pressure (and the urge to submit to Dan's will) to save her. Pack your chips Britney, and get ready to move your whining to the jury house.
     The "victim" of Dan's performance, turned double agent?
     If Danielle isn't a strong candidate for the aforementioned psychiatric intervention, then I must have misunderstood everything that professor said over the course of an entire semester of Abnormal Psychology during undergrad. And the double agent thing isn't fooling anybody in the house, so, somebody, please make her stop.
     My opinion of a vet managing to talk himself down from the Big Brother equivalent of a ledge near the tippy top of a building several stories high that Frank was ready and a little too eager to shove Dan off of? I have made no secret of my opposition to the vets being allowed to play. It ruined the season for me, as it did for a lot of fans. That said...If Dan makes it to the end, he deserves to win. *screams into pillow*
     I am going to remember where I hid the Baileys from my teenage daughter and then begin the process of forgetting all of this. Feel free to talk among yourselves.

Note: My apologies to you for the absence of accompanying screenshots. Blogger's "insert image" feature has been malfunctioning (without any acknowledgement of my repeated pleas for assistance) for over twenty-four hours, and I used up the last of my patience on the mouthy teenager I gave birth to. This post with screenshots can be found at fairgamebylou.tumblr.com.

Big Brother 14...Keeping It Classy

     One down. Three to go.

     The vet posing as a coach posing as everybody's bestie (until she didn't need them anymore) strutted out of the Big Brother house on Thursday night, courtesy of an eight to one vote to evict her. Boogie orchestrated it, the Silent Six executed it, and most of us rejoiced in it. The reasons for it varied, among the house guests and the masses, but the message seemed clear. After all, nothing says, "Get the Hell out" like an eight to one vote.

     To her credit, she managed to keep it classy (albeit a little self-grandizing) until the bitter end, the end being Boogie's good-bye message to her. Do those folks at CBS know which buttons to push or what? Janelle's fans got to see their hero bleeped on national television for calling her biggest adversary a douchebag behind his back, and the rest of us got just another glimpse of the real person beneath the phony facade.
     Which leaves us three vet evictions away from the game that Big Brother was meant to be, the game that we used to be allowed to enjoy, before previous winners and losers (some of them two time, now three time losers) were allowed in and given unfair advantages over the players most of us were tuning in to see.

     Except for Frank. I don't tune in to see Frank. Contrary to the greater good, he is HOH this week and, pursuant to his string puller's wishes, has nominated Wil and Joe for eviction. As if I didn't already have enough reasons to loathe Frank, he goes and puts up other newbies when he should be putting up vets. He wanted to target Dan, but Boogie said no. So he didn't. It seems that I was wrong when I counted Frank as a real player. Not this week anyway. This week he's Boogie's bitch.

     By the way, am I the only one among us that is questioning the "coincidence" of a memory competition to determine HOH every time Frank is eligible to compete? I am referring to the same Frank that sucks at any other type of competition. Just wondering.
     So now we wait. We wait for the outcome of the POV competition and then we wait for the all important decision of whether the POV will be used to save either Wil or Joe. I will be rooting for Wil to win POV and take himself off the block. And then I'll be waiting for someone (Shane is a likely candidate) to convince Frank that eliminating Dan is his and Boogie's best chance to make it to the end. I know, I know...I might as well wish for Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to start falling from the sky.
     So tell us what you're wishing for. And make sure you keep it classy. Just like Janelle.

Big Brother 14...What Fresh Hell Is This?

     I've been putting a lot of money in the swear jar lately. My daughter borrowed my car (for the first and, quite possibly, the last time), hopped a curb (probably at a speed that would horrify me if I knew), and destroyed a two hundred dollar tire. The Tigers lost on the road, relinquishing first place to the loathsome White Sox. My daughter has warned me that she plans to move to Chicago after she graduates from college and will begin worshiping at Comiskey Park (now known as U.S. Cellular Field). I have put her on notice that I will disown her when she does. The result of all this misery? A pretty substantial wad of cash that could conceivably pay off my Visa bill. And then last night happened.
     I planted myself in front of my TV at the appointed time, still foolishly fantasizing about a twist that would evict two players I cannot stand with one live episode. What I should have been doing was anticipating the many ways that Allison Grodner could have been busy plotting to sabotage what has already become the season of suck.

     Watching Julie Chen try (and fail) to build suspense for the much anticipated results of America's vote was worth a laugh. Was it just me, or did she seem a little taken aback when the house guests registered zero surprise at her big announcement? Doesn't production keep her informed about what the house guests get up to when they're not busy talking to her? Everybody (house guests and viewers and anybody not living under a rock) knew that those "coaches" were going to be officially allowed to play at some point. Most of us even suspected that America was going to get stuck with the blame.

     What nobody saw coming was the atrocity that followed. Once the "coaches" entered the game as players, the season was going to "reset". Julie explained for the slow-witted among us that a "reset" meant that there would be no eviction this week. My translation of this? No eviction of Asshole 1 OR Asshole 2.
     I will not repeat my obscenity laden response to this. I can't even remember most of it. I do remember that my husband laughed and laughed and laughed. And then he went and got the swear jar and put it in my lap. And then he laughed some more.

     Somebody's ass should get fired for this. I'm looking at you Allison Grodner. When you had Julie ask America to vote on whether the "coaches" should be allowed to play, you should have had her inform America that the "choice" you were having her pretend to give us would result in an entire week of the game being erased as if it never happened. America wouldn't have voted for this either, and you knew it, which is why you manipulated the outcome (your signature move). I swear I don't know why anybody would sign up to play this game any more. The deck is stacked and the house cheats.
    CBS has a long history of this kind of thing. Many years ago, when nighttime soap operas were all the rage, some brain trust that had been put in charge of Dallas wrecked the last season so badly that the honchos in charge of the brain trust ordered a final scene that would erase the season in its entirety. That "reset" that CBS threw up last night was Bobby in Pam's shower all over again. I'd be embarrassed for CBS if I wasn't so fucking pissed.

     My personal views of this ridiculousness aside, how unfair is this to the people that didn't sign up to play the game that CBS pretended America forced on them last night? Shouldn't somebody have consulted with them as to whether they wanted the "coaches" to be allowed to "officially" enter the game? And what about Shane? Shouldn't somebody have checked with him to see if he was down with his HOH reign resulting in a big fat zero? Maybe this is why most of the newbies have been behaving like puppets. CBS cast them that way.

     So now what? An endurance competition followed that ill-conceived fuckery (THANK YOU Colette Lala for my new favorite word) last night, and, according to the folks on Twitter, Danielle is the new HOH. Will anything she does this week matter? With Allison Grodner running this season into the ground, and in record time, it's anybody's guess. The only thing I know for certain is that, IF I continue to watch this fuckery (I LOVE that word), the swear jar is going to finance a trip to Disney World by the time it's all over.
     So tell us what you think. Do you want Allison Grodner's head on a pike on your front lawn Game of Thrones style? Or do you think that "resetting" Big Brother was a brilliantly conceived and well executed plan that should earn her a promotion and a nice raise? And what about her victims? What do you think she's going to do to them next? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Karma vs. Ironic Justice

     First, a few words to CBS regarding last night's episode. Stop editing Danielle's shameless and pathetic stalking of Shane into a showmance. You cannot turn a desperate woman clinging to an indifferent man into Jeff and Jordan. After enduring two seasons of Brenchel, most of us are still too nauseated to ever want to see anything that even slightly resembles two people attempting to couple. Thank you.

     Speaking of last night's episode, watching Janelle take credit for Frank being Shane's renom made me giggle. She was so full of her own cleverness, claiming to be the puppet master pulling the strings this week. No Janelle. No. It was Ian, incapable of talking game without Boogie there to do his talking for him, that triggered Britney's hair trigger paranoia and put Frank's life in the Big Brother house in peril. Incompetence gets the credit, not Janelle's lame offer of her jewelry as hostage in exchange for her loyalty to Shane and Britney.

     Which brings me to what promises to be the happiest moment of the season for me...the eviction of that loathsome excuse for a human being, Frank. Not that seeing Janelle at the mercy of Ironic Justice doesn't have its appeal, but Karma backdooring Frank is just so much better. I want to see him shocked and upset and parked next to Julie, who will, hopefully, do her job and pressure him to name the dysfunction that compelled him to lie about Willie being homophobic. Make him accountable Julie. We're counting on you.

     Of course, the inexplicable could happen and somebody (hopelessly in love with the idea of being in love Danielle, the probable swing vote) could decide to vote to evict Joe instead. While this is clearly not my favorite scenario, I could get all right with it fairly quickly. Joe's eviction would mean I would not have to tolerate that boorish shit stirrer shouting at me from my television any more. Not a bad thing. I also wouldn't mind Julie asking him if his troublemaking ways are genetic or a learned behavior. Anything that brings us a step closer to settling the nature vs. nurture debate is always welcome.
     Either way, tonight's eviction will eliminate someone that doesn't deserve to win; Frank, because he shouldn't benefit from that particular lie, and Joe, because being an asshole doesn't make him a worthy competitor, it just makes him an asshole. Too bad they both couldn't be kicked out the door with one vote. I wonder what kind of special power CBS could pretend that America granted could make that happen. I bet  I could think of one in the time that it takes me to fetch the mail. It can't be that hard. Allison Grodner does it all the time.
     So tell us what you think. Who do you want gone? And how much fun would you have watching Julie torture him until he breaks and begs forgiveness for his despicable behavior. You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Some More Words About The Willie Hantz Expulsion

     Before I get to the travesty that was CBS's version of events that led up to the expulsion of Willie Hantz, let me just issue the following warning. I am in full blown menopausal misery (for the record, I am way too young for this shit) during the hottest summer suffered here since 1988, and I am in no mood to set an example for anybody. My favorite child will just have to do as I say and not as I do regarding this one thing.
     That said, let's kick some ass.

     Instigating Bitch. The CBS edit neglected to show us, or didn't want us to see, one of Big Brother's favorite darlings encouraging Joe to push Willie's buttons in an effort to detonate the walking talking time bomb that was Willie during his final days in the house. Janelle has been the disloyal pot calling the disloyal kettle names this season, but she has not done anything to make herself unlikable. Until now.

     Narcissistic Bitch. "Coach" Britney set it all in motion, then disavowed her own player in what was the most cold-hearted, self-serving move in Big Brother history. The exchange between Britney and Willie in the lounge was a glaring example of what being a member of Team Britney really means...getting mercilessly bitched out and blamed for what its supposed leader caused through self-serving actions.

     Obnoxious Troublemaking Asshole. Always eager to be part of the problem, Joe volunteers to trigger Willie's temper and, if I have been correctly informed, CBS heavily edited Joe's actions in this endeavor, probably so the fans wouldn't hate him more than we already do. After that awful performance he gave pretending that Willie hurt him, CBS needn't have bothered. It's way past too late for Joe.

     Lying Prick. One day, hopefully soon, Karma will unload a bazooka aimed at Frank's ass. And the malicious lie that he told about Willie will be the reason why.

     Culpable As Hell. CBS employs Allison Grodner and her herd of incompetents so, ultimately, they are responsible for the loathsome way that Willie's repeated attempts to seek help in the DR were ignored by production, and conveniently edited out of last night's episode. Editing Willie's exit in a way that makes them appear competent, doesn't make them so. The truth will always be the truth, no matter how it's spun.
     Now it's your turn to kick a little ass. You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Willie Hantz Gone But Not Forgotten

     There are no words strong enough to describe the current state of affairs in the Big Brother house. Actually there are, all of them profane, but my daughter, who has had quite the foul mouth on her lately, knows how to use the word hypocrite in the proper context.
     Some words I can use...

     Teller of heinous lies. I have always held gifted liars in the highest esteem, they get the farthest in this game. But there are some lines that should never be crossed, not even for a big pile of money, and that *whispers a profane word* Frank probably farted on it on his way over it. Willie DID NOT imitate Wil in a way that could be considered offensive. We all saw it because CBS showed it to us on Thursday night, probably so we could see and hear the same thing that Frank and Britney (I'll get to her in a minute) did. Frank lied about something vile that DID NOT happen in an effort to save himself from eviction. And it worked. That *whispers another even better profane word* is now at the tippy top of my list of people I want gone from the Big Brother house.

     "Victim" of her own stupidity and lack of moral compass. Britney knew who she was dealing with when she ran her mouth to Willie about the possibility of the coaches entering the game. She had to know that he would A. try to do something about it, and B. go about it in a way that would probably annoy the other newbies as well as plaster a big fat target on his back with the "coaches". It was a stupid thing to do and she deserves what happens next. Furthermore, she was present when Willie DID NOT make fun of Wil for being gay. She knew that Frank was lying, and that *shouts profane word for a woman's lady part because daughter has finally left for work* allowed the house to vilify an innocent man, who is also a member of her team, without speaking a single word in his defense. I want her gone. And, in the meantime, I want her to stop whining and blaming Willie for the troubles she brought on herself.

     Loudmouth troublemaker. He yells at me during DR, he is either incapable or unwilling to keep a secret, and he creates drama and chaos whenever and wherever anyone might be experiencing a moment of peace. He is everything I avoid. I want him gone too, hopefully with Ashley in a double eviction.

     My favorite Hantz. I labeled Willie a figurehead early in his reign as HOH because the decisions that were his to make were actually being made by his "coach" and her alliance, another "coach". To his credit, Willie made every effort to rectify this situation once it was brought to his attention. He attempted to organize a rebellion, rallying the newbies to play the game they had signed up for rather than the one their "coaches" were using them to play for themselves. He was accused of something vile by someone, that *whispers profane word for location of male's second brain because husband is now home and has been known to blab to daughter* Frank, who, according to one of my sources (daughter's friend with access to Live Feeds), later admitted that he told this lie to secure someone's (Ashley's?) vote. He was then treated heinously by pretty much everyone in the house over something he didn't do. My source also tells me that Willie was even treated badly by members of his own team, including his "coach" Britney who laid all the blame for problems, caused by her utter lack of leadership skills and her inability to keep her trap shut, on him.
     I wish I could say that he handled these hardships well. I believe that he did the best he could. It couldn't have been easy to live with being unjustly labeled homophobic and then scapegoated, and, if faced with the prospect of being trapped in a house with people that would do that to someone, I don't know that I could have kept my temper either.

     As I understand it, Willie warned the posse running the house this week what was coming and then proceeded to give CBS several reasons to expel him. I cannot support his doing this because I oppose violence, except the verbal kind hurled at a big-nosed *whispers profane word for a female dog* who has gone out of her way to provoke an altercation and therefore deserves it, but I do understand why he did it. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Willie did not deserve what happened to him in that house. I will miss him. He was the only one not willing to play the "coaches" game and, for this, I respect him.
     I have a few thoughts about the puppets that Willie left behind and CBS for the part they played in perpetuating his downward spiral, but I'm out of words I can use. For now.
     So tell us what you think. Do you agree with Willie's choice to leave the game? Or should he have stayed and let others determine his fate in the game? And what about the people responsible for the position he ultimately found himself in? What kind of words do you have for them? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Hell Has Been Raised

     How does one celebrate such delicious news? I know how it would have gone down in the days before I had a teenage daughter to set a good example for, but these days I will just have to settle for a trip to Barnes and Noble where I will purchase books with reckless abandon ( that means without concerning myself about such trivial matters as cost or where the hell I'm going to put them) and indulge in the biggest white chocolate mocha I can get Starbucks to sell me. Heaven. Absolute Heaven.
     So what, may you ask, has me in such a celebratory mood when what I should be doing is plotting my escape from the pit of despair that Sunday night's episode of Big Brother cast me into? Well, my informant tells me that the newbies are in full on rebellion mode and hell has not only been raised but it is tearing through the Big Brother house with a wicked fury that is delightful to behold.
     Not that I don't trust my daughter to deal straight with me about something this important (I do control her allowance and her freedom after all), but one of my hard and fast rules is to always verify the validity of a juicy rumor before spreading it. So, what should have been a glamorous morning spent cleaning bathrooms and Hoovering an appalling amount of dog hair from the carpets was invested instead in a search for the truth, which, HALLELUJAH and thank you very much, was posted in all my favorite blogs and will be summarized for you here. For all the gloriously gory details check out any of the fine Big Brother blogs scattered about for your entertainment. I will be posting a list of my favorites as soon as I get the Blogger widget thingy all figured out.
     As I understand it, Britney, suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, blabbed to Willie hers and Janelle's theory that the coaches would be entering the game at some point. Incensed over being used by the coaches to further their own game, Willie calls a newbies only house meeting and, faster than you can say Russell Hantz's brother, he has the troops whipped into a coach hating frenzy and ready to do battle for their right to play for a half million dollars without interference from the hasbeens that were foisted on them by a double dealing CBS.
     While it's true that the newbies' shift to DEFCON 2 (that's war readiness for those of you whose fathers weren't in the Air Force) would not go unnoticed by the "coaches" for long, they were alerted unnecessarily early by Joe, who apparently suffers from the same affliction as Britney, and now it's on.

     What happened next was probably the result of one man's crusade to put an end to the newbie rebellion that he opposes for reasons I cannot fathom. Joe attempts to take out its fearless leader by pouring Willie's risky secret plan involving Thursday night's vote into Frank's ear. While reassuring Frank that he will not be evicted this week, Willie apparently does a passable imitation of Wil's southern accent, which then triggers the kind of shitstorm seldom seen outside of anywhere that adolescents congregate and, of course, the Big Brother house.

     I doubt that even Frank knows what drove him to do what he does next, but straight to blabbermouth Joe he goes and tells him, get this, that Willie made fun of Wil for being gay. Joe, Big Brother's resident shit stirrer, can't wait to open his big fat mouth and repeat this blatant lie to EVERYBODY.
     The result is the aforementioned shitstorm. Willie gets labeled a homophobe in absentia (he's up in the HOH room oblivious to the beating that his good name is taking) and the house gets to planning his lynching.

     Once somebody, I think it was Britney blabbing something she should for a change, clues Willie in, it doesn't take long for him to get himself out to the yard and call Frank out for the liar that he is in front of everybody, except for Ian who seems to be living mostly in whatever reality show is going on inside his head. Even Boogie and Dan are present and awake for a change. Apparently what ensued should not be missed by anyone and it is my sincere wish that CBS bless us with it in it's entirety before the vote tomorrow night.
     So tell us what you think. Does a potential rebellion make you want to celebrate in your favorite way? If so, are you concerned that yesterday's drama in the yard will end the rebellion before it even gets going? And what about all the excessive running off at the mouth that these people are doing? Is it bugging you yet, or are you loving the fallout from it? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.