Big Brother 14...Good Riddance To A Vile Puppet

     He began life in the Big Brother house as a puppet. He ended it as the fool who succumbed to the power of Dan. In the interim, he told a vicious lie, enjoyed salvation from certain eviction thanks to that meddling busybody Allison Grodner, cheated during competitions (and got away with it), and ultimately expedited his own transfer to the jury house by failing to become a real player, choosing instead to obey his Grodner given master, Mike Boogie.

     It took five weeks longer than it should have--I'm glaring at you again, executive producer from the land of incompetents--but Frank is FINALLY gone. Please commence celebrating in whatever way you deem appropriate.

     Which reminds me...What possessed Julie Chen to conduct her post eviction interview with Frank in the hushed tones of someone consoling the grievously wronged? What she should have been doing is calling him to account for his many sins (including his shameless, and a little bit creepy, hijacking of Boogie's clothes from storage) with a disdain equal to his vileness. Add that sham of an interview to the rather long list of the ways that this season has failed to live up to its own standards.

     The perpetual thrower of competitions actually managed an HOH win last night, killing my wish to see his butt parked on Julie's couch right after Frank. Dan's short reign was not a total loss, however. I will never again have to listen to that obnoxious troublemaker Joe hollering at me from my television. I can live with that.

     What I can't live with is Ian allowing his HOH reign to be commandeered by puppet whisperer Dan. Ian should be masterminding Dan's demise, not renegading around with him and planning to nominate Jenn and Shane according to Dan's manipulations. *sighs* Add Ian to the short list of puppets (Shane and Frank) who became real players, only to revert to their original puppet state.

     Although it galls me to admit it, this game is Dan's to lose. He's running the house and has alliances to cover all contingencies. And no one left in the game seems to be aware of it, or care enough to do anything about it.
     The good news? There are only twelve more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...ChillTown 2.0 Can't Come To The Phone Right Now

     I am STILL laughing.

     Love her or hate her, Britney gave most of us (ChillTown 2.0 and their two or three fans can just continue to suck it) the biggest laugh we've had all summer with the best good-bye message to an evicted house guest that we've had in a long time, perhaps ever. It was the perfect send-off (flip-off?) to the instigating force behind the poorly resurrected ChillTown, and, with any luck, that will be the last time an imaginary phone rings in the DR.

     For those of us keeping track...Two down. Two to go.

     The second best moment of Thursday night's show was delivered to us by the puppet that became the mole that revealed himself to be a real player in his good-bye message to his mentor, Boogie. It even earned him a rare show of respect from the player who prides himself on being the smartest person in the Big Brother house. *snickers* The bitter irony? Boogie and Frank embarked on a childish (and futile) mission to make the wrong player (Dan) miserable this week for blabbing their plans to target Shane and Britney. I wonder if Boogie is feeling foolish yet. He should be.

                                         Every time I see this, I think that we've all been played.

     

     As for Ian's short reign as HOH during the second eviction...I have to give him credit for trying to finish what he started. He nominated the remaining member of the ChillTown 2.0 alliance and his plus one. After Frank won the POV, I would have liked to see Dan go up on the block to bring us a step closer to that vet-free game I've been wanting. But I can see why Ian might not have wanted to turn on his new alliance so soon after "scumbagging" the last one, and (in theory) evicting Frank's plus one should make Frank easier to evict in the near future.

    The teller of the most vicious lie in the history of Big Brother is currently ensconced in the HOH room AGAIN, even though he should have been evicted three weeks ago. One of my hard and fast rules is to not hate people. Allison Grodner and her stupid "reset" have already sorely tested my resolve in this regard, but the longer I have to tolerate her pet, Frank the perpetual adolescent, the more likely it becomes that I will lose that particular battle.

     As far as twists go, Pandora's Box is not the worst, but it does seem to conveniently appear whenever one of the popular player's fan base needs appeasing, like last season when Rachel was practically out the door until Pandora's Box opened and magically restored the twist that saved her. I would prefer to see a game played out that relied on strategy and competition, rather than gifts ("twists") bestowed upon certain players by Allison Grodner and her team of lackeys. But that's not the game I get to see anymore. *sighs and reminisces about the early seasons of Big Brother, before somebody decided to fix something that wasn't broken*

     So Pandora's Box was opened yesterday and the Quack Pack *smirks* caught a break. Ian won a special POV (a golden ball) from the crane game in the Arcade Room, and the prevailing theory was that he would use it to save Dan, whom Frank has targeted for eviction. I rolled my eyes upon hearing this, knowing that all Frank had to do to render Ian's special power useless would be to stick Ian on the block and make him save himself.

     Apparently, Frank was Boogie's bitch a week too long because his training has impaired his ability to think. Frank nominated Dan and Danielle last night. This makes me smile because I never wanted the vets in the house to start with, but Frank could not afford to be this stupid. He might as well have put up the last two floaters in the house. *frowns and shakes head in confusion*

     So now we wait. We wait for the outcome of the POV Competition, which Dan needs to win to guarantee his safety, and then for Monday's POV Ceremony, which will probably reveal where loyalties really lie in the house. Alliances seem to be shuffling right now, but it may turn out to be merely for the sake of appearances, to outplay the remaining dregs of ChillTown 2.0 one final time.

     Please leave a message for ChillTown 2.0...

Big Brother 14...The Consequences of Adolescent Mentality

     A brief summary of last night's episode.

     The real player did not take a real stand or real responsibility for his nominations when confronted by Boogie and Frank, opting instead to shove Britney under the bus and let it mash her at maximum speed, then back over her.

     This season's biggest whiner berated Shane in much the same manner (like the bitchiest teenage girl you've ever encountered) that she did Willie for making her a "huge target" in the house. Shane made a good argument for being weary of having to do all his alliance's dirty work which she ignored. In an obvious attempt to cover her own ass, Britney denied any responsibility for their nominations to Boogie and Frank. Big Brother's resident "mastermind" then inadvertently and obliviously cast suspicion on Dan.

     When confronted by Boogie and Frank, Dan covered for Ian, who is the actual blabber of ChillTown 2.0's secrets, and took the heat with class when Boogie and Frank proceeded to behave like a couple of adolescents, resorting to emotional intimidation in an attempt to get what they want.

     Cheating scandal? What cheating scandal? The POV Competition was edited into what passed for an ordinary, incident-free competition that cast no suspicion on the legitimacy of Frank's victory. What Allison Grodner couldn't edit? Ashley's shameless throwing of the competition to Frank, "folding" in the final round against him.

     Who? Shane's renom got dragged into a game that she had managed to avoid. Until now.

     Only a last-minute "twist" courtesy of Allison Grodner can save him now.
     So give us your take on last night's episode. Based on what you saw, is Big Brother starting to resemble the hormonally challenged train wreck that you would get if you took a random sample from the teenage population of your local high school? Or is it just me, a little overcome by the close proximity of my own hormonally challenged people, imagining grown-ups behaving like adolescents? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...ChillTown 2.0 Still Sucking It

     The unthinkable has happened. Frank won the POV on Saturday and has used it to take himself off the block today. *briefly contemplates the consequences of a shot of Baileys Irish Cream in coffee on an empty stomach*
     I learned about Frank's victory Saturday night, after a seven hour blackout of the feeds by Big Brother's crack production team led by the increasingly incompetent and duplicitous Allison Grodner. The reason for the blackout? A cheating scandal that said incompetent seems desperate to cover up.

     Apparently, Frank and Boogie cheated during the POV Competition, and production ruled that the cheating did not affect the result because Frank would have won anyway. I don't know what school of fair play Allison Grodner graduated from, but where I come from cheating gets your ass disqualified, not safe from eviction.
     So, in a poorly disguised (and executed) attempt to keep the feeders from learning the lengths that production will go to to keep Frank in the game, feeders get fish every time a house guest alludes to Frank cheating. It seems that "live and uncensored" is actually code for "limited footage and corresponding information that Allison Grodner wants released". I can't wait to see CBS's self-serving edit of what occurred during the blackout. My advice to them...pretending it didn't happen won't make it go away, or us forget about it.

     The upside of this travesty? The end of ChillTown 2.0. Shane continues to be a real player (despite that cowardly Nomination Ceremony speech), and refused to renom Dan in Frank's place, choosing to pit Boogie against Jenn instead. Boogie's eviction is almost certainly a lock.
     I say "almost" because I have not forgotten the threat of Pandora's Box, a tool that Allison Grodner has a habit of using to save her favorites, and, she for some inexplicable reason, wants ChillTown 2.0 defiling the Big Brother house. With half the team allowed to save himself by cheating, will Pandora's Box enter the game to save the other half by Thursday night? History tells us that the possibility is real and we can't rule it out. *sighs and reaches for the Baileys*
     So tell us your views on cheating. Should Frank have been disqualified? Or is it okay that Allison Grodner gave him a pass on the cheating and the POV? And what about Pandora's Box? Wouldn't it be great if we never saw it again? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Suck It ChillTown 2.0

     All Hail Shane Meaney! He's the puppet that became a real player that is poised to become the architect of the demise of that shoddy imitation of the original ChillTown. The nomination of Boogie and Frank yesterday was the best moment in the Big Brother house since Willie Hantz rallied his fellow newbies to the brink of rebellion. I would gladly send Shane a crate of Monsters in tribute to the biggest move of the game this season if CBS would only let me.

     The fallout from these nominations is as entertaining as the nominations were masterful. Britney is giving Danielle some serious competition in her bid for Mayor of CrazyTown as she attempts to remove the "huge target" that she is convinced Shane staple-gunned to her back when he cited her as the most influential in his decision to park Boogie and Frank on the block. She's such a "mastermind" that she hasn't realized that Dan is the one that Boogie and Frank perceive as the real threat.
     Speaking of Danielle...She continues to spin her own myth in whatever spare time she has left over from stalking Shane. Which brings me to this amazing shot of Danielle shortly after being denied entry to a meeting being held by her own alliance.

     To the mysterious benefactor that sent me this, Thank You. You made my day.

     As I wait impatiently for those slackers to finish the POV Competition (I think we're going on five hours now), I imagine Shane winning it and keeping his nominations the same. I don't care which of them gets booted out on Thursday night. Boogie is a vet that shouldn't even be there, and Frank is a loathsome excuse for a human being who would have been evicted two weeks ago if not for the interference of Allison Grodner and shouldn't even be there either.
     Speaking of everyone's least favorite pain in the ass...Rumor has it that Pandora's Box is going to be utilized in a way that is guaranteed to piss me off. Apparently, Shane revealed that production tried to talk him out of nominating Boogie and Frank, so the speculation is that the meddlesome bitch is going to use Pandora's Box to save one or both of them. How can CBS continue to maintain that production does not manipulate the game in any way? Because, for them, lying is a reflex, like breathing, and it's a condition of employment.
     So tell us what you think of ChillTown 2.0's impending doom. Canonize Shane as a hero, or demonize him as a villain. Your choice. Just be sure to cite your reasons for doing so in a way that even a CBS honcho can understand (no words of more than one syllable). You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Note: I know that, as soon as I post this, the feeds will return, probably with a result that will incite me to rant in a follow-up post, which I will most certainly do. With all the profane words at my disposal. Count on it.

Big Brother 14...Worse Than A Puppet

     Janelle's fans are ranting about her "unfair" eviction. Danielle's haters are lining up to call her out on every lie she's ever told. Opponents of production's interference in the game are threatening to strike in retaliation. It seems to me that the action going on outside the game has become far more interesting than the game itself.

     Not that what's going on now could be called a game. A game requires players. And any shot that we might have had at having some of those was eliminated when Allison Grodner put vets in the house. What we're stuck with instead is a bunch of people hanging out in the Big Brother house waiting to become one of two things, a pawn or collateral damage. I'm starting to think I was better off watching Big Barry and his awful singing over at AGT. *sighs and stoically resigns self to the unavoidable reality of substandard entertainment for the remainder of the summer*

     Speaking of substandard...Julie Chen's "homeskillet" Frank is HOH and has used the power that he lucked into this week to do NOTHING. The puppet wanted to become a player. Too bad the puppet was so enamored with being the other half of ChillTown 2.0 that he didn't notice when master manipulator Boogie turned him into his bitch instead of his partner.

     A player would have used his power to target the vets. A player would have known that Boogie's best shot at winning is sitting next to another vet at the end and seen Boogie's opposition to Frank's wanting to nominate Dan for the self-serving act that it was. But Frank is not a player. He's not even a puppet anymore. He may be off his leash, but he's so well trained that he doesn't need one.
     I won't be watching tonight. Yes, again. And, no, I am not on strike. I just don't care to watch Frank win the POV only to follow his master's commands to keep the floaters on the block. I probably won't even watch tomorrow night to see which one of them goes home, partly because I don't care, but mostly because I'm anxious to avoid the HD version of Frank's and Ashley's "ice cream date". Ewwwwww.
     So tell us what you think. Are you, like me, trawling On Demand in search of entertainment to help you pass the time until Survivor starts? Or are you satisfied with a poor imitation of last season's Big Brother? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Keeping It Classy

     One down. Three to go.

     The vet posing as a coach posing as everybody's bestie (until she didn't need them anymore) strutted out of the Big Brother house on Thursday night, courtesy of an eight to one vote to evict her. Boogie orchestrated it, the Silent Six executed it, and most of us rejoiced in it. The reasons for it varied, among the house guests and the masses, but the message seemed clear. After all, nothing says, "Get the Hell out" like an eight to one vote.

     To her credit, she managed to keep it classy (albeit a little self-grandizing) until the bitter end, the end being Boogie's good-bye message to her. Do those folks at CBS know which buttons to push or what? Janelle's fans got to see their hero bleeped on national television for calling her biggest adversary a douchebag behind his back, and the rest of us got just another glimpse of the real person beneath the phony facade.
     Which leaves us three vet evictions away from the game that Big Brother was meant to be, the game that we used to be allowed to enjoy, before previous winners and losers (some of them two time, now three time losers) were allowed in and given unfair advantages over the players most of us were tuning in to see.

     Except for Frank. I don't tune in to see Frank. Contrary to the greater good, he is HOH this week and, pursuant to his string puller's wishes, has nominated Wil and Joe for eviction. As if I didn't already have enough reasons to loathe Frank, he goes and puts up other newbies when he should be putting up vets. He wanted to target Dan, but Boogie said no. So he didn't. It seems that I was wrong when I counted Frank as a real player. Not this week anyway. This week he's Boogie's bitch.

     By the way, am I the only one among us that is questioning the "coincidence" of a memory competition to determine HOH every time Frank is eligible to compete? I am referring to the same Frank that sucks at any other type of competition. Just wondering.
     So now we wait. We wait for the outcome of the POV competition and then we wait for the all important decision of whether the POV will be used to save either Wil or Joe. I will be rooting for Wil to win POV and take himself off the block. And then I'll be waiting for someone (Shane is a likely candidate) to convince Frank that eliminating Dan is his and Boogie's best chance to make it to the end. I know, I know...I might as well wish for Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to start falling from the sky.
     So tell us what you're wishing for. And make sure you keep it classy. Just like Janelle.

Big Brother 14...We Have A Rematch

     In one corner, we have Karma, forced to make a return trip to the Big Brother house to finish the work that it began last week. Its primary objective? To rid the house guests (and the rest of us) of the vile cretin that is Frank, AKA Teller of Heinous Lies.

     In the other corner, we have Ironic Justice, also making a repeat appearance, but rather than targeting a lowly minion, its aiming instead for the lowly minion's leader, mean girl and so phony it makes my teeth hurt, Janelle.

     After careful consideration, I've decided that I don't care who emerges victorious. I am an equal opportunity cheerleader this week.
     I have been rooting for Karma to take out Frank since week one when Frank lied about Willie exhibiting homophobic behavior in an attempt to garner votes. The victory would have gone to Karma in last week's match if not for the machinations of Allison Grodner. A win tomorrow night would restore an element of fair play removed from the game last week, and ensure that the aforementioned vile cretin does not benefit from a lie that no one should tell under any circumstances. Go Karma!
     I have been rooting for Ironic Justice since week two when Shane partnered up with Boogie and Frank to target Janelle's team. It just seemed so appropriate that the people planning to go after her were people that she had betrayed (Shane because, as a member of Britney's team, he was no longer useful to Janelle once Boogie's team was in power) or was getting ready to betray (Frank and Boogie because their reign was almost at an end). Janelle is a shameless floater, attaching herself to whoever is currently occupying the HOH room. The over-the-top display of enthusiasm when Danielle won the endurance competition was just this side of ridiculous. Go Ironic Justice!
     Also, and I have been quite vocal about this, the vets should never have been allowed to play. A win for Ironic Justice tomorrow night would mean one less vet in the game. I realize that it was the vets who put Janelle within reach of Ironic Justice and, for this, I am grateful. And perfectly willing to sit back and watch the vets take each other out.
     To say that I'm disappointed in the newbies would be so much more polite than they deserve. The only two that seem to be playing the game (besides the vets) are Shane and Frank (who is so reprehensible that he doesn't count) so, unless the puppets decide to become players and ally themselves with Shane and Frank, these two newbies will be nothing more than pawns to get the vets to the end, where a vet will win. Just like last season.

     There have been reports on Twitter by feeders who have seen puppets Wil, Jenn, and Ashley showing signs of becoming real players, but I refuse to let myself hope. These are the same people who decided to ignore Willie's warning about the "coaches" running the game. It will take more than talk to make a believer out of me.

     I won't be watching tonight's episode. I have zero interest in the edited version of the manipulation of Danielle, the needy, neurotic, and certifiably delusional puppet who will most likely take the credit for Janelle's eviction (if it happens) when it was Boogie and Dan (with a little help from Britney) who have been pulling the strings in the house this week. I might tune in for the last few minutes though. I've seen the screenshots of Janelle looking like she'd been dragged backward through a bush after the POV ceremony, but seeing her in the moment that she realizes that Ironic Justice has snuck up on her arrogant self promises to be entertaining.
     So tell us what you think. Karma or Ironic Justice? Vets or Newbies? Intense psychotherapy or a psychopharmacological cocktail of antipsychotic drugs and antidepressants for Danielle? Or both? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Same Hell Different Day

     Welcome to a brand new season of Big Brother. We have twelve house guests, all were eligible to compete in the HOH competition and all are playing as individuals for the same $500,000 prize. There are no teams being controlled by "coaches". What we have now is eight newbies and four vets playing the game that the perpetual double-dealer Allison Grodner meant us to have all along, the first three weeks of this season being just a slight of hand that fooled nobody.

     Hang on a sec. A brand new season is not what Julie Chen promised us the other night. She said "reset", and she said it enough times that I know I heard her correctly. So...shouldn't the game have reverted to its original setting? Shouldn't Jodi, Kara, Willie, and JoJo have been restored to the game when it "reset"? It could be that my fair play loving soul is speaking up in protest of something that smacks of underhandedness when it should be shutting the hell up and not questioning the integrity of the shady people trying to sell me a figurative bridge to nowhere. But I don't think so.

     What I perceive to be a glaring error in semantics (and a gross violation of the ethics of fair play) aside, I will try to accept the hand I was dealt. I have a brand new game to watch and it could still be a good one. Right? After all, there is a newbie currently occupying the HOH room and she is unencumbered by nonsense like a CBS engineered twist that would require her to defer to a "coach" because she no longer has one. She also has the power to right some wrongs, starting with those vets that Allison Grodner brought in disguised as coaches. I say put two of them on the block (my picks would be Janelle and Boogie) and then renom another vet if one of the nominees wins POV. Simple, yes? The newbies have the numbers to eliminate the vets (have I mentioned that they outnumber them two to one?), and, if my calculations are correct, they could do it quickly because it appears that CBS has screwed itself into needing two double evictions in order to end this season on time. Right? I can't help visualizing two vets, keyless and miserable, at the end of the Nomination Ceremony and I smile in anticipation of tonight's episode.

     My brief visit to the Happy Land of Delusions ends abruptly (and meanly) thanks to my perpetual enemy Harsh Dose of Reality. One of my sources, who had been lurking over my shoulder while I was typing, began snickering. When confronted, he tells me that Wil and Frank are on the block and then confirms my suspicion that Dan had something to do with it. *looks around for something to throw*
     So, the brand new game is just the same game that was being played before the "reset". The vets are controlling the game and the newbies are letting them. Sounds an awful lot like last season to me.

     My sources tell me not to give up on the newbies yet because Danielle won the POV. *laughs and makes sarcastic remarks until sources threaten to leave* Okay. So what will Danielle do with this power? Probably whatever she's told to do with it by Ex "Coach" Dan and her make-believe honey pie, Shane. Based on what we've seen so far, I think this is a fair assumption. But then I learn that Boogie has made a convincing argument for taking down one of the nominees and renoming Janelle, and Danielle is considering it. This is good. This means that not all hope is lost, but it does depend on the whims of a wishy-washy newbie still operating in puppet mode and desperately seeking the approval of the temporary men in her temporary life. *sighs deeply and begins counting the days until Survivor starts*

     So tell us what you think. Does the "reset" seem like a rerun to you? Am I wrong for thinking that targeting the vets is the obvious choice? And what about the POV? What do you think Dan and Shane will tell Danielle to do with it? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.