Big Brother 14...Enough Already

     Just like that, what had been a shoddy rerun of last season became trash that required a strong stomach and impaired hearing to watch. And all it took was the adolescent narcissism braying and cackling from my television to accomplish it.

     That's right. Allison Grodner can't seem to control whatever urge it is that compels her to foist hasbeens on us. First it was the four vets that strutted in on day one posing as "coaches". Then we had to suffer another visit from that roidhead Jessie Godderz who paraded through the Big Brother house like a Magic Mike castoff desperate for work. After that atrocity, Sunday night was just too much for my already sorely tested gag reflex to take. Pandora's Box belched up a prerecorded Rachel Reilly at her most obnoxious instead of Ian's parents, and he wasn't the only one who wanted to vomit.
     If CBS can't or won't retire (terminate) Allison Grodner, can someone (anyone) please make her retire Pandora's Box? It's bad enough that the hasbeens are allowed to come in through the front door. They shouldn't be allowed to skulk in (electronically or in person) via a closet in the HOH room.

     The rest of Sunday night's episode was dedicated to showcasing the power of puppet whisperer Dan. Unfortunately for the remaining puppets, it also cast them in a pretty unflattering light, especially Jenn. She knew Dan for the double dealer that he is when he didn't renom Shane after Ian won the POV during Dan's HOH reign on Thursday night. To my knowledge, she has not used this information to try to save herself, and can't (legitimately) blame anyone but herself when she gets evicted later today.

     That will leave us with a Quack Pack final four *gags* whose members will be picked off by its leader on his way to pick up his check. Whether Dan will bloody his own hands or whisper at his puppets until they bloody theirs is the only unknown at this point.
     Only eight more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...Good Riddance To A Vile Puppet

     He began life in the Big Brother house as a puppet. He ended it as the fool who succumbed to the power of Dan. In the interim, he told a vicious lie, enjoyed salvation from certain eviction thanks to that meddling busybody Allison Grodner, cheated during competitions (and got away with it), and ultimately expedited his own transfer to the jury house by failing to become a real player, choosing instead to obey his Grodner given master, Mike Boogie.

     It took five weeks longer than it should have--I'm glaring at you again, executive producer from the land of incompetents--but Frank is FINALLY gone. Please commence celebrating in whatever way you deem appropriate.

     Which reminds me...What possessed Julie Chen to conduct her post eviction interview with Frank in the hushed tones of someone consoling the grievously wronged? What she should have been doing is calling him to account for his many sins (including his shameless, and a little bit creepy, hijacking of Boogie's clothes from storage) with a disdain equal to his vileness. Add that sham of an interview to the rather long list of the ways that this season has failed to live up to its own standards.

     The perpetual thrower of competitions actually managed an HOH win last night, killing my wish to see his butt parked on Julie's couch right after Frank. Dan's short reign was not a total loss, however. I will never again have to listen to that obnoxious troublemaker Joe hollering at me from my television. I can live with that.

     What I can't live with is Ian allowing his HOH reign to be commandeered by puppet whisperer Dan. Ian should be masterminding Dan's demise, not renegading around with him and planning to nominate Jenn and Shane according to Dan's manipulations. *sighs* Add Ian to the short list of puppets (Shane and Frank) who became real players, only to revert to their original puppet state.

     Although it galls me to admit it, this game is Dan's to lose. He's running the house and has alliances to cover all contingencies. And no one left in the game seems to be aware of it, or care enough to do anything about it.
     The good news? There are only twelve more days until Survivor starts.

Big Brother 14...Quack On, For Now

                                                                        Three down.

                                                                          One to go.

     

     Dan gave an Oscar worthy performance that brought his audience to tears, and then manipulated his arch nemesis into plotting his fellow Quack Packer's demise, saving himself from certain eviction. Many have said (and written) that this flash of brilliance has earned him Dr. Will's place as master of the Big Brother universe. I have acknowledged (with a considerable show of temper) that if he makes it to the end he deserves to win, which is why Ian needs to whip that sorry bunch of floaters and incompetents into a force able to resist Dan's uncanny ability to mindfuck anyone within range of the sound of his voice and send him to the jury house, where he can spend some quality time in awkward cohabitation with Britney and whoever is unfortunate enough to be stuck in there with them (in a perfect world, that would be Frank).

     Why Ian? Because he's my only hope. He is the only real player left in the game, except for Dan (who would make an excellent candidate for Thursday night's second eviction), and has acquired some excellent manipulative skills while living with two of the most gifted manipulators (Dan and Boogie) to ever play the game. He cut his own mentor's throat, which makes me think (hope) that he has it in him to use Dan and the Quack Pack one last time to rid the house of Frank (FINALLY), and then express his gratitude by orchestrating Dan's immediate exit and post eviction interview with Dan's buddy "Mrs. Chen".

     As long as I'm fantasizing things that will probably never come to pass, I might as well give Ian and his new alliance (Shane, Danielle, and Jenn) a name worthy of the task I want them to undertake. The Vigilantes has a nice ring to it, and it seems appropriate given the circumstances. The Vigilantes can avenge their fallen comrades, the poor newbies that were used and then discarded by the merciless vets who entered the house disguised as "coaches" and played their own game. 

     Yup, that's right. I'm still waiting for those Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to fall from the sky. Isn't that part of being a Big Brother fan? Wanting the impossible?

     So tell us what you're waiting for. And you might as well dream big. You never know.

Big Brother 14...The Consequences of Adolescent Mentality

     A brief summary of last night's episode.

     The real player did not take a real stand or real responsibility for his nominations when confronted by Boogie and Frank, opting instead to shove Britney under the bus and let it mash her at maximum speed, then back over her.

     This season's biggest whiner berated Shane in much the same manner (like the bitchiest teenage girl you've ever encountered) that she did Willie for making her a "huge target" in the house. Shane made a good argument for being weary of having to do all his alliance's dirty work which she ignored. In an obvious attempt to cover her own ass, Britney denied any responsibility for their nominations to Boogie and Frank. Big Brother's resident "mastermind" then inadvertently and obliviously cast suspicion on Dan.

     When confronted by Boogie and Frank, Dan covered for Ian, who is the actual blabber of ChillTown 2.0's secrets, and took the heat with class when Boogie and Frank proceeded to behave like a couple of adolescents, resorting to emotional intimidation in an attempt to get what they want.

     Cheating scandal? What cheating scandal? The POV Competition was edited into what passed for an ordinary, incident-free competition that cast no suspicion on the legitimacy of Frank's victory. What Allison Grodner couldn't edit? Ashley's shameless throwing of the competition to Frank, "folding" in the final round against him.

     Who? Shane's renom got dragged into a game that she had managed to avoid. Until now.

     Only a last-minute "twist" courtesy of Allison Grodner can save him now.
     So give us your take on last night's episode. Based on what you saw, is Big Brother starting to resemble the hormonally challenged train wreck that you would get if you took a random sample from the teenage population of your local high school? Or is it just me, a little overcome by the close proximity of my own hormonally challenged people, imagining grown-ups behaving like adolescents? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...ChillTown 2.0 Still Sucking It

     The unthinkable has happened. Frank won the POV on Saturday and has used it to take himself off the block today. *briefly contemplates the consequences of a shot of Baileys Irish Cream in coffee on an empty stomach*
     I learned about Frank's victory Saturday night, after a seven hour blackout of the feeds by Big Brother's crack production team led by the increasingly incompetent and duplicitous Allison Grodner. The reason for the blackout? A cheating scandal that said incompetent seems desperate to cover up.

     Apparently, Frank and Boogie cheated during the POV Competition, and production ruled that the cheating did not affect the result because Frank would have won anyway. I don't know what school of fair play Allison Grodner graduated from, but where I come from cheating gets your ass disqualified, not safe from eviction.
     So, in a poorly disguised (and executed) attempt to keep the feeders from learning the lengths that production will go to to keep Frank in the game, feeders get fish every time a house guest alludes to Frank cheating. It seems that "live and uncensored" is actually code for "limited footage and corresponding information that Allison Grodner wants released". I can't wait to see CBS's self-serving edit of what occurred during the blackout. My advice to them...pretending it didn't happen won't make it go away, or us forget about it.

     The upside of this travesty? The end of ChillTown 2.0. Shane continues to be a real player (despite that cowardly Nomination Ceremony speech), and refused to renom Dan in Frank's place, choosing to pit Boogie against Jenn instead. Boogie's eviction is almost certainly a lock.
     I say "almost" because I have not forgotten the threat of Pandora's Box, a tool that Allison Grodner has a habit of using to save her favorites, and, she for some inexplicable reason, wants ChillTown 2.0 defiling the Big Brother house. With half the team allowed to save himself by cheating, will Pandora's Box enter the game to save the other half by Thursday night? History tells us that the possibility is real and we can't rule it out. *sighs and reaches for the Baileys*
     So tell us your views on cheating. Should Frank have been disqualified? Or is it okay that Allison Grodner gave him a pass on the cheating and the POV? And what about Pandora's Box? Wouldn't it be great if we never saw it again? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...We Have A Rematch

     In one corner, we have Karma, forced to make a return trip to the Big Brother house to finish the work that it began last week. Its primary objective? To rid the house guests (and the rest of us) of the vile cretin that is Frank, AKA Teller of Heinous Lies.

     In the other corner, we have Ironic Justice, also making a repeat appearance, but rather than targeting a lowly minion, its aiming instead for the lowly minion's leader, mean girl and so phony it makes my teeth hurt, Janelle.

     After careful consideration, I've decided that I don't care who emerges victorious. I am an equal opportunity cheerleader this week.
     I have been rooting for Karma to take out Frank since week one when Frank lied about Willie exhibiting homophobic behavior in an attempt to garner votes. The victory would have gone to Karma in last week's match if not for the machinations of Allison Grodner. A win tomorrow night would restore an element of fair play removed from the game last week, and ensure that the aforementioned vile cretin does not benefit from a lie that no one should tell under any circumstances. Go Karma!
     I have been rooting for Ironic Justice since week two when Shane partnered up with Boogie and Frank to target Janelle's team. It just seemed so appropriate that the people planning to go after her were people that she had betrayed (Shane because, as a member of Britney's team, he was no longer useful to Janelle once Boogie's team was in power) or was getting ready to betray (Frank and Boogie because their reign was almost at an end). Janelle is a shameless floater, attaching herself to whoever is currently occupying the HOH room. The over-the-top display of enthusiasm when Danielle won the endurance competition was just this side of ridiculous. Go Ironic Justice!
     Also, and I have been quite vocal about this, the vets should never have been allowed to play. A win for Ironic Justice tomorrow night would mean one less vet in the game. I realize that it was the vets who put Janelle within reach of Ironic Justice and, for this, I am grateful. And perfectly willing to sit back and watch the vets take each other out.
     To say that I'm disappointed in the newbies would be so much more polite than they deserve. The only two that seem to be playing the game (besides the vets) are Shane and Frank (who is so reprehensible that he doesn't count) so, unless the puppets decide to become players and ally themselves with Shane and Frank, these two newbies will be nothing more than pawns to get the vets to the end, where a vet will win. Just like last season.

     There have been reports on Twitter by feeders who have seen puppets Wil, Jenn, and Ashley showing signs of becoming real players, but I refuse to let myself hope. These are the same people who decided to ignore Willie's warning about the "coaches" running the game. It will take more than talk to make a believer out of me.

     I won't be watching tonight's episode. I have zero interest in the edited version of the manipulation of Danielle, the needy, neurotic, and certifiably delusional puppet who will most likely take the credit for Janelle's eviction (if it happens) when it was Boogie and Dan (with a little help from Britney) who have been pulling the strings in the house this week. I might tune in for the last few minutes though. I've seen the screenshots of Janelle looking like she'd been dragged backward through a bush after the POV ceremony, but seeing her in the moment that she realizes that Ironic Justice has snuck up on her arrogant self promises to be entertaining.
     So tell us what you think. Karma or Ironic Justice? Vets or Newbies? Intense psychotherapy or a psychopharmacological cocktail of antipsychotic drugs and antidepressants for Danielle? Or both? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.