Survivor: Philippines...Tales Of A Pageant Princess

     My other favorite hypocrites are the purely decorative ones. They have backgrounds steeped in pageantry and modeling contracts. They take inventory of the males in their vicinity and then attach themselves to the ones they deem most likely to protect them from hardship and solve their problems for them. And, best of all, they have a penchant for rewriting history as a means of avoiding taking responsibility for their actions, or lack thereof as the case may be.

     In a tribe rife with contradictions--a non-leader that bosses everyone around (Russell) and a "legit fit, army strong warrior" that was useless in physical challenges (Roxy)--Angie is the quitter that "never gives up" and, therefore, an ideal candidate for card carrying membership to the "goon squad of tribes".

     Miss Utah Teen USA 2010 is a self-proclaimed sports enthusiast that is "extremely competitive", yet she struggled to retrieve a puzzle piece submerged in two feet of water. One of her biggest pet peeves is lazy people, yet she refused to return to the water (sound familiar?), forcing Malcolm and Denise to take three turns apiece.

     The three-time losers returned to Tribal Council, where Matsing's latest hypocrite to occupy the hot seat asserts her non-culpability in their defeat at the Immunity Challenge by insisting that she never gave up during the challenge and blaming Russell for being a quitter. I am sure that, in the Happy Land of Denial going on in her head, this is true and just.

     Not so, in the Ticked Off Land of the Unjustly Accused going on in Russell's. He pronounces Angie's "revisionist history" a failure and dumps the blame back on Angie. Actually, Malcolm had it right. Russell and Angie were both to blame for Matsing's loss. It may be that Russell owned more of the responsibility than Angie, depending on your views regarding wasting exorbitant amounts of time with zero to show for it during challenges.

     The blame game resulted in a loss for Angie, who was sent packing by a unanimous vote, and for Malcolm, who is going to have to face those chilly island nights without his cuddle bunny.

     In other tribal news, Michael managed to carve up his face diving into the water while wearing a mask meant for snorkeling. *shakes head in disbelief* His medical insurance premiums must be through the roof. Also, Sybil, er, Abi has turned on her bestie, RC, and managed to locate the hidden immunity idol at the Tandang camp with the help of new bestie, Pete. I predict that it won't be long before Abi turns on him too, and then RC and Pete can start sleeping in shifts.
     So, what are your predictions? Who will survive the goon squad? Will Michael survive Survivor? And, if he does, will he be eligible for disability when he gets home? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Survivor: Philippines...Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Booby Trap

     My favorite hypocrites are the religious ones. They cloak themselves in Christianity, which they seem to believe empowers them to sit in self-righteous judgement of others. While they can be intensely annoying when they park themselves at my dining room table on Christmas Day and proceed to criticize everything, including the people feeding them, they can have incredible entertainment value when parading their hypocrisy on reality television.

     This is Roxy. She is a seminary student *snickers* who woke up on her fifth day in the Philippines and declared Matsing's resident cuddlers, Malcolm and Angie, a dangerous pair that needed to be separated. She proceeded to recruit Russell to her cause, which seemed to be fueled more by jealousy than strategy, her arguments in support of her case including statements like, "It's like Miss America all day long" and "They (Malcolm and Angie) are up each other's butts". Not exactly compelling, is it?

     The chronic malcontent's best chance to save herself was the Immunity Challenge, where she flat out refused to run a second leg, citing water deficiency as if her fellow tribe members were not suffering from the same affliction. Matsing's subsequent loss, despite Denise's decent puzzle calling skills which kept the tribe competitive, ratcheted tensions at camp, where Roxy, in all her hypocritical glory, actually tells Russell that Angie, who ran the second leg that Roxy refused, is lazy.

     The nonsense continued at Tribal Council, where Roxy (age 28) and Angie (age 20) engaged in escalating teenage girl verbal warfare. Roxy won the battle, labeling Malcolm's and Angie's professed brother/sister relationship "creepy", and, the coup de grace, announcing that Angie "booby trapped" Malcolm into an alliance. Roxy's immediate apology was insincere, being offered in the same tone that my teenage daughter and her teenage frenemies use on each other all the time, and was not enough to keep her from losing the war, her tribe sending her home with a unanimous vote.

     What's going on in the other tribes? Not much. In Tandang, Michael is sporting new injuries, Lisa's introverted ways are continuing to paste a rather large target on her back, and Abi is displaying disturbing cutthroat bitch tendencies with her threats regarding RC (to her face and behind her back). And, in Kalabaw, Jonathan ransacked the camp until he finally figured out where to find the hidden immunity idol, and Jeff is playing rock checkers in the rain and nursing his sore knee. All pretty tame compared to the drama in the Matsing camp.
     So, what's next for the beleaguered Matsing? I am inclined to agree with Russell. They need to "get their heads out of their butts, or go home". My money's on go home.

Survivor: Philippines...Following The Non-Leader

     I want them gone. All three of them. I've already seen them play this game, and, two of them, I had hoped to never have to see again. Yet, here they are, courtesy of the brain trust in charge of making these critical decisions (that would be Mark Burnett et. al), defiling the game and annoying the hell out of me.

     This is my current favorite, Jeff. There's a reason he didn't waste the summer as a feckless idiot over on Big Brother. He is not anybody's puppet. He is a survivor playing for a million dollars, and no "returning player" that's been foisted on his tribe by a double-dealing group of executive producers is going to be allowed to mess with the game that he signed up for. The first item of business on his agenda? Call a tribe meeting, minus the hasbeen (Jonathan Penner), and plot said hasbeen's demise. With a first place win in the Immunity Challenge and a plan to rid themselves of Jonathan at the first opportunity, the Kalabaw tribe is off to a good start.

     The same cannot be said of Matsing, the clear losers in the "returning player" lottery. They got stuck with Russell Swan, who informed them that he would not be their leader right before he started issuing orders. His tribe plotted to purge themselves of his incompetent "non-leadership", but dead weight Zane, who had to be dragged during his leg of the Immunity Challenge, scapegoated himself for the tribe's loss and volunteered to be the first survivor voted out. Russell caught a break this time, but if all the eye rolling and lip pursing at Tribal Council were any indication of Angie's and Roxy's true feelings for him, then it would certainly seem that his days are numbered.

     The only "returning player" currently with the proverbial snowball's chance is Michael Skupin, who has been warmly received by his fellow Tandangs and is allied with all of them. The only obstacle threatening his game at this point is his own terminal klutziness, which could get him removed from the game for medical reasons (again) unless he starts handling pointy objects with more caution and treads more carefully when he wanders the beach in his bare feet.

     It's too soon to form solid opinions of individual survivors, but, based on my first impressions of the tribes, Kalabaw is the most solid in terms of unity and is my pick to make it to the merge (or tribe shuffle) mostly intact, hopefully minus a hasbeen.
     So, what are your first impressions? Which tribe will dominate? Kalabaw or Tandang? How long will it take for Matsing to self-destruct under Russell's "non-leadership"? Or will they manage to cut him loose before his "redemption" becomes their termination? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Note: The amazing gif of Jeff is the work of the creative geniuses over at survivorsucks.yuku.com.