Big Brother Australia...Bonzer

Last word of the season..."bonzer", which is Aussie slang for excellent, or first-rate.

This season of Big Brother Australia accomplished what no other reality show seems capable of any more. It remained entertaining after a strong premiere, and culminated with a finale that kept us riveted right up to the ending credits.

We even got a winner that had played a game worthy of a big pile of money.

Tim was the ultimate shit stirrer. He knew which buttons to push in each of his fellow housemates and exactly when to push them to achieve the desired effect. Tim advanced his game and held us in thrall as we waited impatiently for his next move.

We also waited impatiently for Tim's turn in the Nomination Chamber--"Did you get that, Tully?!"--and his Diary Room sessions, where he was often called to account for his many misdeeds.

Tim Dormer gave us everything our hearts desire in a realty show contestant, and Big Brother Australia gave us the realty show that all realty shows should aspire to be.

Next summer cannot come soon enough.

Big Brother Australia...A Fake Prince

Phrase of the day..."All froth and no beer", which is Aussie slang for superficial.

Ed is like the beautifully wrapped Christmas present that turns out to be a pair of generic gym socks...a huge disappointment once you've gotten a good look at what hides beneath the handsome exterior.

Ed's good looks got him dubbed "Prince Charming" by his fellow housemates, but his personality did not live up to the nickname.

Ed is an "ear basher" (Aussie slang for a bore), whose rambling Diary Room sessions made us glad of our option to mute him, and wonder at his housemates' ability to endure more than five consecutive minutes within earshot of him.

Ed is also a callous manipulator who "did the dirty" (did the wrong thing) by Jade. He exploited her genuine feelings for him, deliberately deceiving her into believing that he returned those feelings, to further his own game.

It wasn't princely, or charming.

Big Brother Australia...Bugger All

Phrase of the day...Bugger all, which is Aussie slang for very little or nothing.

The Australian public's fascination with the blatant manipulation of an insecure and needy young woman continues to elude me. Madaline may have brought bugger all to the game, but she was easier to stomach than "Prince Charming" and "Lady Jadey".

Speaking of nauseating...

This week's Freeze Task ceased to be entertaining the moment that Tully strutted in and proceeded to slime the lower half of Drew's face. She then announced that she is now single, which is hardly surprising considering that she did bugger all but whinge and cheat on her girlfriend the entire time she was in the Big Brother house.

As for Mikkayla...I did not forget to blog about her eviction last week.

I could not find any Aussie slang for two-faced, hypocritical harridan, and there was bugger all else to say.

Big Brother Australia...Bull's Wool

I call bullshit. That's a phrase that Americans throw out when someone tries to tell us something that isn't true.

Nathan Barlow quit. He did not "make the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of another housemate" as we were told. He "dropped his bundle" (Aussie slang for "gave up"), and then we were given "bull's wool" (Aussie slang for "misleading information") in an obvious attempt to make a hero out of a quitter.

That wasn't the only bull's wool being peddled this week.

We are also expected to believe that the voting population of Australia prefers Ed over Ben.

Ed is a ruthless manipulator disguised as "Prince Charming", and is taking shameless advantage of Jade's weird obsession with him in a desperate attempt to avoid eviction.

Ben's gentle nature, quirky behavior, and offbeat sense of humor has made him one of the voting public's favorite housemates this season, his only rival being Tim. Until today that is, when, supposedly, the public chose to continue to gag on Ed's awkward attempts to fake his way through a one-sided relationship with Jade, rather than enjoy the genuine person that is Ben.

I call bull's wool.

Big Brother Australia...A Positive Experience

Word of the day..."Chipper", which is Aussie slang for cheerful and lively.

Katie and Lucy, who happily embraced the Sugar Sisters moniker bestowed on them, were quite possibly the most chipper contestants to ever appear on a reality show, where strong emotions, particularly inexhaustible cheerfulness, are difficult to fake for any length of time.

Mean girl Tahan could not conceive of anyone being that chipper, which led her to question whether the Sugar Sisters' matching sunny personalities were genuine and then set herself in hostile opposition to them. She took pleasure in nominating them for eviction at every opportunity because she felt threatened by something that she couldn't understand...genuinely happy girls incapable of saying an unkind word about anyone.

Whether you found the bubbly Sugar Sisters, with their matching outfits and penchant for speaking in unison, annoying as Tahan did, or lovely as Ben, Jade, and Mikkayla did, you have to concede one thing.

They were the real thing.

Big Brother Australia...Emotional Hijacker

First word of the day..."Whinge".

Whinge is Aussie slang for complain persistently in a peevish or irritating way.

Tully managed to be both peevish and irritating, FOR FIFTY-SEVEN DAYS. Even in situations where a positive attitude would have served her better, Tully radiated negativity, polluting the positive air with her constant whining, ABOUT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

Second word of the day..."Sook".

Sook is Aussie slang for sulk, often to the point of behaving like a small child. It is also used to describe an overly emotional or sensitive person.

"Typhoon Tully" threw a tantrum whenever she didn't get her way, which was often. Attempts by reasonable adults to address her immature behavior were met with hostility and resulted in more tantrums.

Tully also used frequent histrionics to emotionally hijack situations that revolved around others. One of many possible examples of this was Tully's predictable sobbing fits during evictions that drew the attention away from the evicted housemate and onto her.

Last word of the day...

It is a universally recognized word for a woman that flagrantly disrespects the feelings of her significant other by engaging in romantic behavior with someone else.

I don't think that any of you need me to tell you what it is.

Big Brother Australia...Sleep, Gym, Eat, Tan

Word of the day..."Figjam", which is an acronym for Fuck I'm Good Just Ask Me and is an Aussie nickname bestowed upon people who have high opinions of themselves.

Matthew drew nominations from members of the "misfit" group for his perceived arrogance toward them. He was also regarded as a "meathead", a muscular guy that talks of little besides weights and the proficiency with which he lifts them, and couldn't be bothered to deviate from his rigid daily schedule of sleeping, working out, eating, and tanning with his fellow "popular" housemates to talk to anyone outside his group.

Consequently, Australia's voting public couldn't be bothered to vote to save Matthew, the fourth consecutive "popular" housemate to receive the least number of votes to remain in the game.

Matthew is also the fifth consecutive housemate that has been nominated by Tim to be forsaken by the voting public.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

Big Brother Australia...Galah

Word of the day..."Galah", which is Aussie slang for a loud-mouthed idiot.

Though Heidi was not an idiot, unless you count that time she picked a fight with Tim, she definitely had the loud-mouth part down like a champ. Her normal speaking voice obliterated all other sound in her immediate vicinity, and her voice raised in irritation or anger had the power to deafen. A bullhorn could not be more effective.

Heidi was a member of the "popular" group who frequently fraternized with members of the "misfit" population, earning their trust and then using the information that she got from them to foment gossip and cause trouble. Perhaps my memory is faulty, but didn't she castigate Tim for doing the same thing?

When Big Brother mandated that the housemates base their nominations on strategy last week, Heidi tied with Tim for the most nomination points because she was considered one of the biggest threats in the game.

And then the voting public of Australia gave Tim three times the number of votes to save than it gave Heidi, sending Heidi packing and making us wonder...

Who will the public choose when it is down to Tim and Ben?

Big Brother Australia...Gobsmacked Again

Phrase of the day..."Shits me up the wall", which is popular slang among Australians for "drives me crazy".

Caleb was a slob, particularly in the kitchen where some of his messes were potentially hazardous to the housemates' health, and irritated Tim, who declared Caleb messy and stupid and then nominated him for being "a sheep".

Caleb also ate a lot, which irked Ben, the self-appointed Condiment Police, enough to throw some nomination points Caleb's way.

Lastly, Caleb was a good bloke and pegged to win by his fellow housemates, making him a target for those who base their nominations on strategy (Jade).

For the second consecutive eviction, the voting population of Australia has shocked the housemates with its choice, and it is clear that it is not as in love with the "popular" housemates as they are with themselves. Why? Probably because they are not as fun to watch as the self-proclaimed "misfits", who manage to find more to do than just work out all the time...I am looking at you, Boys Club.

It should also be clear to anyone paying attention in the game that, while Tim's shit stirring may drive his fellow housemates to declare war, his shit stirring is the thing that endears him to the public, and, since it is the public that will have the last word, Tim's enemies openly oppose him at their own peril.

Just ask Jasmin.

Big Brother Australia...Gobsmacked

Word of the day..."Gobsmacked".

This is Aussie slang for astounded, and this is what it looks like.

An unofficial poll conducted by Big Brother in the privacy of the Diary Room revealed that the majority of the housemates thought that Mikkayla would be Australia's choice for eviction. Apparently, the "popular" people in the house assumed that their public would feel the same way about them that they do about each other.

The pertinent question is not what Jasmin did to get herself nominated by her fellow housemates and then forsaken by the Australian public. It is, how did she not see it coming?

Jasmin was two-faced. She had to know that someone as sharp as Mikkayla would notice the inconsistencies between Jasmin's treatment of her in one-on-one interactions and Jasmin's treatment of her when the "popular" housemates were around.

Jasmin had a big mouth. She had to know that constantly policing Tim's behavior and loudly airing her views about Jade while parked in the same room with her was going to offend them.

Jasmin was selfish. She had to know that she broke the girl code when she kissed Ed, and that it would hurt Jade, who had a thing for him. She also had to know that refusing to trade beds with Jade, even though the housemates had agreed that the nominated housemates would occupy the second bedroom, would be seen for the petty act that it was.

As an adult, Jasmin had to know how her actions would be perceived, and that those actions would have consequences. She either did not care, or believed that her "popular" status in the house would protect her.

She was wrong.

Big Brother Australia...A Bludger and A Dag

First word of the day..."Bludger".

This is Aussie slang for "a lazy person that always relies on others to do things for him", and is an accurate description of manchild Rohan, whose shiftless ways got him nominated for eviction by his fellow housemates.

The simplest tasks overwhelmed Rohan. Preparing food was too stressful. Setting the table for a meal was insurmountable because the concept of placemats was as baffling to him as long division is to a kid still learning simple addition and subtraction. And he can forget a career at Baskin Robbins unless he learns to take a proper ice cream order.

Our second word of the day is "Dag", which is Aussie slang for "a funny person or goof".

Xavier began his Big Brother experience as a "happy-go-lucky" dag that took to prison life in the Halfway House with good form, only to become "snappy" (which means the same thing in Australia that it does here) the following week. One bad week spent picking verbal arguments with the wrong people (Tully and Heidi) and offending his new friend Tim by sucking up to the "meatheads and the models" got him nominated.

What got him evicted? It seems that Tully's incessant whining is more entertaining to four percent more of the voting population of Australia than Xavier's silliness. Go figure.

Big Brother Australia...Sharon Time

Phrase of the day..."Bored shitless".

This is Aussie slang for "very bored", and succinctly describes the viewers' experience whenever Sharon appears onscreen.

Sharon "couldn't be bothered" to play the game that she signed up for, limiting herself to interacting only with other Safe Housemates, which offended the Halfway Housemates into nominating her for eviction.

Banishment to the Halfway House taught Sharon a lesson in humility, but an attitude adjustment was not enough to overcome the massive boredom that her incessant tears and prattle about her children inflicted on viewers in charge of her fate.

Sharon swapped nurturing her three small children for mothering fourteen adults (fifteen, if you count Tim), but still considered her Big Brother experience to be the much needed break that she had thought she needed, though it ended too soon. For her.

For the people that matter the most...Sharon's time in the Big Brother house ended at exactly the right time.