Big Brother Australia...A Fake Prince

Phrase of the day..."All froth and no beer", which is Aussie slang for superficial.

Ed is like the beautifully wrapped Christmas present that turns out to be a pair of generic gym socks...a huge disappointment once you've gotten a good look at what hides beneath the handsome exterior.

Ed's good looks got him dubbed "Prince Charming" by his fellow housemates, but his personality did not live up to the nickname.

Ed is an "ear basher" (Aussie slang for a bore), whose rambling Diary Room sessions made us glad of our option to mute him, and wonder at his housemates' ability to endure more than five consecutive minutes within earshot of him.

Ed is also a callous manipulator who "did the dirty" (did the wrong thing) by Jade. He exploited her genuine feelings for him, deliberately deceiving her into believing that he returned those feelings, to further his own game.

It wasn't princely, or charming.

Survivor: Blood vs Water...Shut It

Unwritten Survivor commandment number four...Thou shalt not run thy mouth with reckless abandon for no good will ever come of it. Perpetual sufferers of diarrhea of the mouth find this commandment particularly troublesome and are often among the first casualties of the game.

Brad managed to offend someone every time he opened his mouth, which led to exile among his enemies on Redemption Island. His inability to count and lay corresponding tiles at the same time sent him home.

Monica talked game to Kat, who just wanted Monica to "shut it". Monica, who is married to Brad, was probably just trying to take advantage of a rare opportunity to talk and had no idea she was making a target of herself.

Kat blabbed her plan to blindside Monica to Tina, who promptly blabbed to Monica, who closed the circle by confronting Kat, who lied...badly.

Kat's inability to keep her trap shut proved her untrustworthy to her tribe, who shipped her to Redemption Island by a unanimous vote.

She should have followed her own advice and "shut it".

Big Brother Australia...Bugger All

Phrase of the day...Bugger all, which is Aussie slang for very little or nothing.

The Australian public's fascination with the blatant manipulation of an insecure and needy young woman continues to elude me. Madaline may have brought bugger all to the game, but she was easier to stomach than "Prince Charming" and "Lady Jadey".

Speaking of nauseating...

This week's Freeze Task ceased to be entertaining the moment that Tully strutted in and proceeded to slime the lower half of Drew's face. She then announced that she is now single, which is hardly surprising considering that she did bugger all but whinge and cheat on her girlfriend the entire time she was in the Big Brother house.

As for Mikkayla...I did not forget to blog about her eviction last week.

I could not find any Aussie slang for two-faced, hypocritical harridan, and there was bugger all else to say.

Survivor: Blood vs Water...Swift Justice

I totally called this one. A pissed off Candice is a fun Candice.

It turns out a pissed off Candice is an obscene finger gesturing, hostility spewing Candice that has no problem telling an obnoxious ex football player exactly what she thinks of how he conducts himself.

A pissed off Candice is also a vengeful Candice that dispenses swift Survivor style justice, targeting Brad's  loved one just as he had targeted hers.

Brad Culpepper's boorish behavior and aggressive tactics might play on a football field, but, in a game that requires rudimentary social skills and a great deal of finesse, maneuvers like his will get a lout booted.

And it did...right to Redemption Island, where he will be forced to lie in a rather uncomfortable bed that he has made for himself against the advice of others.

If Monica is smart, she will leave him there.

Big Brother Australia...Bull's Wool

I call bullshit. That's a phrase that Americans throw out when someone tries to tell us something that isn't true.

Nathan Barlow quit. He did not "make the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of another housemate" as we were told. He "dropped his bundle" (Aussie slang for "gave up"), and then we were given "bull's wool" (Aussie slang for "misleading information") in an obvious attempt to make a hero out of a quitter.

That wasn't the only bull's wool being peddled this week.

We are also expected to believe that the voting population of Australia prefers Ed over Ben.

Ed is a ruthless manipulator disguised as "Prince Charming", and is taking shameless advantage of Jade's weird obsession with him in a desperate attempt to avoid eviction.

Ben's gentle nature, quirky behavior, and offbeat sense of humor has made him one of the voting public's favorite housemates this season, his only rival being Tim. Until today that is, when, supposedly, the public chose to continue to gag on Ed's awkward attempts to fake his way through a one-sided relationship with Jade, rather than enjoy the genuine person that is Ben.

I call bull's wool.

Survivor: Blood vs Water...No Redemption For Quitters

The concept of Redemption Island is pretty straightforward. Survivors need to dig deep and do whatever it takes to earn their way back into the game. The defeated burn their buffs on their way out because, as tough competitors, they have earned that honor.

The supposed purpose of hasbeens being allowed to play Survivor a second (or third, or fourth) time is to give them an opportunity to redeem themselves of prior game play or behavior. Hasbeens are not required to earn these opportunities.

Perhaps they should be.

Colton Cumbie was so repulsive when he played Survivor: One World that his initial display of good behavior, and subsequent fireside spilling of his guts and his tears, seemed contrived.

It took less than a week for Colton to destroy any chance he may have had at the redemption that he was pretending to seek. He resorted to the same tactics that he had employed before faking appendicitis in order to quit One World...creating chaos, then attempting to control whoever survives it. He really should have known better than to try to run the same game on a bunch of veterans, and should consider himself fortunate that they were as nice about it as they were.

Jeff was not so nice. When a sniveling Colton announced that he was quitting, Jeff called him selfish for leaving his tribe a member short, and accused him of quitting Survivor a second time because that's what Colton does when he doesn't get his way.

And then Jeff banished the whiny, narcissistic agitator, denying him the honor of burning his buff.

Perhaps now Survivor's crack production team will be more selective about who it gives second chances to.

Big Brother Australia...A Positive Experience

Word of the day..."Chipper", which is Aussie slang for cheerful and lively.

Katie and Lucy, who happily embraced the Sugar Sisters moniker bestowed on them, were quite possibly the most chipper contestants to ever appear on a reality show, where strong emotions, particularly inexhaustible cheerfulness, are difficult to fake for any length of time.

Mean girl Tahan could not conceive of anyone being that chipper, which led her to question whether the Sugar Sisters' matching sunny personalities were genuine and then set herself in hostile opposition to them. She took pleasure in nominating them for eviction at every opportunity because she felt threatened by something that she couldn't understand...genuinely happy girls incapable of saying an unkind word about anyone.

Whether you found the bubbly Sugar Sisters, with their matching outfits and penchant for speaking in unison, annoying as Tahan did, or lovely as Ben, Jade, and Mikkayla did, you have to concede one thing.

They were the real thing.

Blame It On Stephen King

Nothing got done. Blog posts were not written. My favorite sports teams, the Tigers and the Red Wings, were not properly worshiped. Manual labor (housework) was ignored. The cat was fortunate to be self-sufficient, but the poor dog, who relies on someone (me) to remember to let her back in the house after she concludes her business in the backyard, was forgotten so many times that she now gives me the stink eye and then glances skyward, as if sending a quick prayer to the God of her understanding that my memory will not fail her again, whenever I let her outside.

And it is all Stephen King's fault.

I read my first Stephen King novel when I was thirteen. Of all his books available to me at the time, The Shining seemed to promise the best time, and it delivered. I read it in a day and then slept with an old Donald Duck nightlight for a week, and, many years later, I still regard topiary animals with the deepest suspicion, and I would never permit a hotel clerk to stick me in Room 217 because of the creep factor associated with having to navigate it in the dark and enter its alien bathroom in the middle of the night.

Stephen King's latest novel, Doctor Sleep, takes us along for Dan (Danny) Torrance's journey as he struggles to recover from the traumatic events of The Shining, and gives us new things to be wary of...caravans of RVs travelling the highway at precisely five miles an hour under the speed limit, herds of middle-aged citizens strapped with fanny packs and garbed in T-Shirts bearing slogans that only the AARP crowd can appreciate, and habitually aloof cats that suddenly show an interest in humans that they've previously ignored.

I have not needed a nightlight while reading this book, nor do I need one now that I have finished it, which is good because I cannot find Donald anywhere. But I do have this strange compulsion to keep an ever vigilant eye on my in-laws, exercise special caution on the highway and avoid campgrounds, and hope that my cat isn't a death cat disguised as the family pet.

My life came to a screaming halt while my imagination took a long awaited trip courtesy of the master of his craft, and I have a new slightly twisted way of seeing what used to be ordinary things.

It just doesn't get any better than that.