Big Brother Australia...A Fake Prince

Phrase of the day..."All froth and no beer", which is Aussie slang for superficial.

Ed is like the beautifully wrapped Christmas present that turns out to be a pair of generic gym socks...a huge disappointment once you've gotten a good look at what hides beneath the handsome exterior.

Ed's good looks got him dubbed "Prince Charming" by his fellow housemates, but his personality did not live up to the nickname.

Ed is an "ear basher" (Aussie slang for a bore), whose rambling Diary Room sessions made us glad of our option to mute him, and wonder at his housemates' ability to endure more than five consecutive minutes within earshot of him.

Ed is also a callous manipulator who "did the dirty" (did the wrong thing) by Jade. He exploited her genuine feelings for him, deliberately deceiving her into believing that he returned those feelings, to further his own game.

It wasn't princely, or charming.

Big Brother Australia...Bugger All

Phrase of the day...Bugger all, which is Aussie slang for very little or nothing.

The Australian public's fascination with the blatant manipulation of an insecure and needy young woman continues to elude me. Madaline may have brought bugger all to the game, but she was easier to stomach than "Prince Charming" and "Lady Jadey".

Speaking of nauseating...

This week's Freeze Task ceased to be entertaining the moment that Tully strutted in and proceeded to slime the lower half of Drew's face. She then announced that she is now single, which is hardly surprising considering that she did bugger all but whinge and cheat on her girlfriend the entire time she was in the Big Brother house.

As for Mikkayla...I did not forget to blog about her eviction last week.

I could not find any Aussie slang for two-faced, hypocritical harridan, and there was bugger all else to say.

Big Brother Australia...Bull's Wool

I call bullshit. That's a phrase that Americans throw out when someone tries to tell us something that isn't true.

Nathan Barlow quit. He did not "make the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of another housemate" as we were told. He "dropped his bundle" (Aussie slang for "gave up"), and then we were given "bull's wool" (Aussie slang for "misleading information") in an obvious attempt to make a hero out of a quitter.

That wasn't the only bull's wool being peddled this week.

We are also expected to believe that the voting population of Australia prefers Ed over Ben.

Ed is a ruthless manipulator disguised as "Prince Charming", and is taking shameless advantage of Jade's weird obsession with him in a desperate attempt to avoid eviction.

Ben's gentle nature, quirky behavior, and offbeat sense of humor has made him one of the voting public's favorite housemates this season, his only rival being Tim. Until today that is, when, supposedly, the public chose to continue to gag on Ed's awkward attempts to fake his way through a one-sided relationship with Jade, rather than enjoy the genuine person that is Ben.

I call bull's wool.

Big Brother Australia...A Positive Experience

Word of the day..."Chipper", which is Aussie slang for cheerful and lively.

Katie and Lucy, who happily embraced the Sugar Sisters moniker bestowed on them, were quite possibly the most chipper contestants to ever appear on a reality show, where strong emotions, particularly inexhaustible cheerfulness, are difficult to fake for any length of time.

Mean girl Tahan could not conceive of anyone being that chipper, which led her to question whether the Sugar Sisters' matching sunny personalities were genuine and then set herself in hostile opposition to them. She took pleasure in nominating them for eviction at every opportunity because she felt threatened by something that she couldn't understand...genuinely happy girls incapable of saying an unkind word about anyone.

Whether you found the bubbly Sugar Sisters, with their matching outfits and penchant for speaking in unison, annoying as Tahan did, or lovely as Ben, Jade, and Mikkayla did, you have to concede one thing.

They were the real thing.

Big Brother Australia...Gobsmacked Again

Phrase of the day..."Shits me up the wall", which is popular slang among Australians for "drives me crazy".

Caleb was a slob, particularly in the kitchen where some of his messes were potentially hazardous to the housemates' health, and irritated Tim, who declared Caleb messy and stupid and then nominated him for being "a sheep".

Caleb also ate a lot, which irked Ben, the self-appointed Condiment Police, enough to throw some nomination points Caleb's way.

Lastly, Caleb was a good bloke and pegged to win by his fellow housemates, making him a target for those who base their nominations on strategy (Jade).

For the second consecutive eviction, the voting population of Australia has shocked the housemates with its choice, and it is clear that it is not as in love with the "popular" housemates as they are with themselves. Why? Probably because they are not as fun to watch as the self-proclaimed "misfits", who manage to find more to do than just work out all the time...I am looking at you, Boys Club.

It should also be clear to anyone paying attention in the game that, while Tim's shit stirring may drive his fellow housemates to declare war, his shit stirring is the thing that endears him to the public, and, since it is the public that will have the last word, Tim's enemies openly oppose him at their own peril.

Just ask Jasmin.

Big Brother Australia...Gobsmacked

Word of the day..."Gobsmacked".

This is Aussie slang for astounded, and this is what it looks like.

An unofficial poll conducted by Big Brother in the privacy of the Diary Room revealed that the majority of the housemates thought that Mikkayla would be Australia's choice for eviction. Apparently, the "popular" people in the house assumed that their public would feel the same way about them that they do about each other.

The pertinent question is not what Jasmin did to get herself nominated by her fellow housemates and then forsaken by the Australian public. It is, how did she not see it coming?

Jasmin was two-faced. She had to know that someone as sharp as Mikkayla would notice the inconsistencies between Jasmin's treatment of her in one-on-one interactions and Jasmin's treatment of her when the "popular" housemates were around.

Jasmin had a big mouth. She had to know that constantly policing Tim's behavior and loudly airing her views about Jade while parked in the same room with her was going to offend them.

Jasmin was selfish. She had to know that she broke the girl code when she kissed Ed, and that it would hurt Jade, who had a thing for him. She also had to know that refusing to trade beds with Jade, even though the housemates had agreed that the nominated housemates would occupy the second bedroom, would be seen for the petty act that it was.

As an adult, Jasmin had to know how her actions would be perceived, and that those actions would have consequences. She either did not care, or believed that her "popular" status in the house would protect her.

She was wrong.

Big Brother Australia...Beautifully Twisted

Word of the day..."Ace".

"Ace!" is Aussie (pronounced Ozzie) slang for "Excellent!" or "Very good!".

Examples include, but are not limited to the following...

Sonia Kruger is everything that a host of a reality game show should be. She is warm and engaging, possesses a great sense of humor, and is always up for a good time, which she generously shares with us. She also always looks smashing. Could somebody please arrange for her stylist to speak to Julie Chen's (Big Brother US) stylist? The poor thing is obviously in need of some assistance.

This season's slogan is "Let's Do The Twist" and, so far, has delivered on its promise.

A house divided into haves and have nots created literal and figurative divisions between the housemates that generate the kind of tension that could survive the Plexiglass walls coming down.

Nothing messes with the housemates, and amuses the rest of us, like people who pretend to be something that they're not. And nothing is more awkward for two strangers (Jade and Drew) than having to fake their way through being newlyweds.

Of course, the twists are useless without a proper cast. These people are funny, obnoxious, quirky, controlling, kindhearted, rude, silly, and seemingly incapable of making a simple shopping list. This likable lot is entertaining, and generates drama without being offensive, which, to a thoroughly disgusted blogger of Big Brother 15, is greatly appreciated.

Saturday Showdown wraps the housemates in plastic or dangles them over pools full of eels and pits them against one another for cash, luxuries, and power. Mike Goldman and Michael Beveridge (BBAU 2012) provide the commentary and additional hilarity. The only thing this imitation of Wide World of Sports weekly episode needs is a better host than Shelly Craft. Could somebody please inquire if Benjamin Norris is available?

Which brings us to Big Brother himself, whose wicked sense of humor is trumped only by his quick and deadly punishments for naughty behavior. For example...Tahan breached the wall separating the Halfway House from the Safe House to take a much frowned upon dip in the Safe House hot tub, earning an immediate scolding from Big Brother and the forfeiture of all her belongings, most notably her favorite hairdryer. Thanks to Big Brother, a housemate is penitent and ready to behave, and we get to be entertained in the bargain.

As we should be.