Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Blood vs Water, The Second One

*Clears throat and recites out loud the following..."I must not judge and therefore loathe this season of Blood vs Water based on the debacle that was the first one."*

Because Survivor was once upon a very long time ago my favorite show on television, I will work at least as hard as Jeff Probst does to be the biggest shit stirrer on the island to identify the positive attributes of this season's questionable beginning.

There are no hasbeens. Unless, of course, you want to be picky and count the two CBS crossovers from The Amazing Race, and an attention seeking ex baseball player that claims he doesn't want to be recognized.

There is no Redemption Island. Mercifully, the obnoxious and irritating people that have been booted from their tribes will not have a safe haven where they are allowed to linger until given the opportunity to weasel their way back into the game.

There is an abundance of things to ponder. Why is a former Miss Michigan dressed to go to the mall instead of for survival in the jungle?

Why does a woman that claims she doesn't want to be known for her boobs leave them in constant danger of falling out of her clothes?

Why does a man make a target out of his wife by announcing that she needs him, defeat her in a challenge that would exile her, and then send the guy that broke his flint with a rock to "take care of her"?

Which brings us to what is clearly the most perplexing of all. Why for the sake of all that is holy in the happy land of reality television do people, after twenty-eight seasons, still stumble onto a Survivor set utterly incapable of starting a fire?

All of these questions have the same answer...human nature. It's what makes us do the questionable things that we do.

And it makes other people want to watch us to see what we'll do next.

Winter Classic 2014...Old School Hockey

Growing up as I did, the only girl in a neighborhood full of boys, I believe that hockey is meant to be played outside, the way that we loved to play it as kids.

The way that the Detroit Red Wings and the Toronto Maple Leafs got to play it in this year's Winter Classic.

Temperatures in the teens and wind chills in the single digits froze the water in Leafs goaltender Jonathan Bernier's water bottle at least once every period. Wind gusts in the double digits and a steady snowfall cut visibility, slowed the puck, and forced stoppages of play so that the ice could be cleared old school, with shovels.

The 105,491 fans stayed through regulation, overtime, and a shootout, keeping warm with many layers of clothing and the first liquor to ever be legally consumed in the Big House. When it was over, no one left disappointed. Our teams fought hard under the most challenging conditions and gave us an experience that we will never forget.

I think that the players had as much fun as we did.

How could they not?

Alumni Showdown...The Russian Five

It is not often that I am rendered speechless.

Survivor: Blood vs Water...Not Living Up To Its Promise

Let's recap the last three episodes. It won't take long.

Kat taught us that we have been wrong these many years. The goal of Survivor is not to win a million dollars. The goal of Survivor is to maintain a desperate grip on a douche boyfriend.

Mrs. Rupert proved that hopelessly incompetent blabbermouths make bigger targets than strong competitors when her tribe booted her, instead of Vytas, to Redemption Island.

Tyson is running an alliance of seven. Seven. Bottom feeders Monica and Laura M., who have played this game before and should, therefore, know better, are overestimating their value to the alliance that is using them.

Aras, Vytas, and Tina went down in order of perceived threat and opportunity, and are currently commiserating on Redemption Island. Aras didn't even know he was in trouble until Jeff snuffed his torch, and Vytas and Tina chose to antagonize the opposing alliance rather than try to recruit from it.

That's it. Four short paragraphs to summarize three episodes.

It is a sad testament to the steady decline of what once was the best reality show ever made.

Big Brother Australia...Bonzer

Last word of the season..."bonzer", which is Aussie slang for excellent, or first-rate.

This season of Big Brother Australia accomplished what no other reality show seems capable of any more. It remained entertaining after a strong premiere, and culminated with a finale that kept us riveted right up to the ending credits.

We even got a winner that had played a game worthy of a big pile of money.

Tim was the ultimate shit stirrer. He knew which buttons to push in each of his fellow housemates and exactly when to push them to achieve the desired effect. Tim advanced his game and held us in thrall as we waited impatiently for his next move.

We also waited impatiently for Tim's turn in the Nomination Chamber--"Did you get that, Tully?!"--and his Diary Room sessions, where he was often called to account for his many misdeeds.

Tim Dormer gave us everything our hearts desire in a realty show contestant, and Big Brother Australia gave us the realty show that all realty shows should aspire to be.

Next summer cannot come soon enough.

Big Brother Australia...A Fake Prince

Phrase of the day..."All froth and no beer", which is Aussie slang for superficial.

Ed is like the beautifully wrapped Christmas present that turns out to be a pair of generic gym socks...a huge disappointment once you've gotten a good look at what hides beneath the handsome exterior.

Ed's good looks got him dubbed "Prince Charming" by his fellow housemates, but his personality did not live up to the nickname.

Ed is an "ear basher" (Aussie slang for a bore), whose rambling Diary Room sessions made us glad of our option to mute him, and wonder at his housemates' ability to endure more than five consecutive minutes within earshot of him.

Ed is also a callous manipulator who "did the dirty" (did the wrong thing) by Jade. He exploited her genuine feelings for him, deliberately deceiving her into believing that he returned those feelings, to further his own game.

It wasn't princely, or charming.

Survivor: Blood vs Water...Shut It

Unwritten Survivor commandment number four...Thou shalt not run thy mouth with reckless abandon for no good will ever come of it. Perpetual sufferers of diarrhea of the mouth find this commandment particularly troublesome and are often among the first casualties of the game.

Brad managed to offend someone every time he opened his mouth, which led to exile among his enemies on Redemption Island. His inability to count and lay corresponding tiles at the same time sent him home.

Monica talked game to Kat, who just wanted Monica to "shut it". Monica, who is married to Brad, was probably just trying to take advantage of a rare opportunity to talk and had no idea she was making a target of herself.

Kat blabbed her plan to blindside Monica to Tina, who promptly blabbed to Monica, who closed the circle by confronting Kat, who lied...badly.

Kat's inability to keep her trap shut proved her untrustworthy to her tribe, who shipped her to Redemption Island by a unanimous vote.

She should have followed her own advice and "shut it".