Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...All-American Arrogance

Show of hands...

Who belly laughed when Jon was booted to the Jury with an Immunity Idol in his pocket, right after he got done running his mouth about trust?

Yup. Me too.                        

Show of hands...

Who thinks that Jon's plus-one has a legitimate shot at being given a million dollars by the same people that rolled their eyes at her assertion that she and Jon were secure in their alliance due to mutual trust?

Nope. Me either.

All is right with the world.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Adolescent Drama

Question of the week...

Is this game really going to be won by a couple with entitlement issues and a propensity to pout like teenagers?

This is Jaclyn in a snit because she didn't get picked to go on the reward.

This is Jaclyn refusing to talk to Jon, who snapped at her because he didn't want to hear about her petty troubles the minute he got back from Exile Island, where he starved for two days while she was back at camp chowing down on extra helpings of rice.

This is Jaclyn refusing to talk to Jon again because he talked to Missy instead of begging her to talk to him.

This is Jaclyn still refusing to talk to Jon five hours after the silent treatment commenced.

This is Jaclyn flirting with Alec in front of Jon instead of trying to resolve her differences with her boyfriend, who is also her partner in a game worth a million dollars.

This is Jon retaliating by refusing to talk to Jaclyn once she had finally decided that he had been punished enough.

I'm not sure that either of them possesses the maturity to handle the responsibility of a large sum of money without adult supervision.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Dumb and Dumber

I leave it to you to decide who is dumb and who is dumber.

Good luck.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Trust No One

Object lesson of the week...

Selflessness guarantees a Survivor nothing but deprivation and misery.

Jeremy sacrificed lunch on a yacht to solidify his brand new alliance with Jon and Jaclyn, known traitors to every alliance they've had in the game.

Jon showed his appreciation for Jeremy's sacrifice by allowing him to be sent to Exile Island, even though there was no Immunity Idol for him to find there because Jon had already found it and kept it a secret.

When Jeremy realized that he never should have trusted someone that had repeatedly betrayed anyone foolish enough to trust him, Jon decided to eliminate Jeremy before Jeremy could eliminate him.

Ironically, Jeremy talked about the importance of trust at Tribal Council right before he was betrayed by a member of his core alliance, who had inexplicably allowed herself to be manipulated by someone that she had previously admitted to being unable to trust.

Sacrifice does not ensure trust in Survivor. Just ask the starving, exhausted guy that got sent to the Jury by the same people that he had sacrificed himself for.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Who's The Boss?

Question of the week...

When a couple disagrees about an important decision, who gets to make the call?

Jaclyn became annoyed with Alec, Wes, and Keith, who did not accord her what she deemed to be the proper respect due her, and informed Missy and Baylor that the guys' behavior had cost them her vote, as well as Jon's because he would vote the way she told him to.

Meanwhile, Alec's confidence in Jon's ability to keep his woman in line led him to tell Keith that it was unnecessary to talk with Jaclyn about the impending vote because she would vote the way Jon told her to.

Jon responded to Jaclyn's insistence that they not vote with Josh's alliance, because of the way the guys treated her, with the logical argument that voting with Jeremy's alliance would not benefit them at the end of the game, since it was his belief that the Jury would give Jeremy the million dollars instead of them.

Josh's alliance lost its leader that night at Tribal Council, where Jaclyn and Jon cast votes based on Jaclyn's emotion rather than Jon's logic.

Jaclyn was right. Jon voted the way she told him to.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...A Liar, A Quitter, and A Bunch of Nitwits

'Twas that precarious time right before The Merge when...

Jeff chastised the remaining incompetents on the Hunahpu tribe for ignoring some basic rules of Survivor, like rationing precious food and keeping track of vital possessions.

It poured rain on the deficient, and therefore tarpless, Hunahpus, but it was Julie that believed her suffering was somehow greater than that of her fellow tribe members, causing her to whine incessantly.

And, Dale promised his "Immunity Idol" to Jon in exchange for a free pass at Tribal Council.

Show of hands...Who is more than a little disappointed that we are being denied the opportunity to witness Jon or Jaclyn unwittingly play a fake Immunity Idol at a future Tribal Council?

The Merge pitted Jeremy and his allies against Josh and his allies, and Julie's needs against the needs of everyone else.

Apparently, Julie suffered from a lack of food in a way that was unique to the rest of her tribe, entitling her to hoard trail mix.

Busted and unwilling to face the consequences of her actions, Julie sneaked away to a clandestine meeting with Jeff, who mocked her "ordeal" before making her departure from the game and the abandonment of her alliance official.

So...The woman that didn't want to be known for her lady parts can rest assured. She is going to be remembered for her selfishness and her cowardice instead.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage is frequently used as a military term, where non-combatants are unintentionally killed or wounded as a result of the attack on legitimate enemy targets.

The combatants were Missy, who resented Dale for his distrust of her daughter, Baylor, and his constant policing of the tribe's rice, and Dale, who begrudged the ex-Hunahpus every extra portion of rice that Missy served to them.

Battle lines were drawn, allies secured, and faster than you can say "self-centered bossy bitch" and "that guy picking on my kid" it was time for the first formal skirmish of their campaign.

Dale's daughter, Kelley, non-combatant, resident peacemaker, and the only member of her two-person troop to decline to engage in perpetuating the hostilities, was eliminated in the spirit rather than the letter of the notion of collateral damage, since the demise of her Survivor life had been intentional.

Apparently, the combatants deemed a legitimate attack on one another to be too risky and targeted one another's offspring instead.

I doubt that will be the last violation of the rules of war.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Question of the week...

When is a kingpin not a kingpin?

When his power is as imaginary as his ego is inflated.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) defines a delusion as "a fixed belief that is not amenable to change in light of conflicting evidence."

Despite glaring evidence to the contrary--his tribe blatantly ignoring his edicts and Jeff openly mocking his pathetic attempts to bargain with him--Drew saw himself as a despot and his fellow tribe members as serfs whose fates were subject to his whims.

Plagued by the paranoia that often accompanies such delusions, Drew became convinced that Kelley was the "mastermind" of a girls alliance dedicated to overthrowing his dictatorship.

The math that negated the potential success of such a plot was patiently, and repeatedly, explained to the Survivor despot, who dismissed it because it did not support his belief.

Psychology Today defines a self-fulfilling prophecy as "a belief that comes true because we act as if it is already true."

Drew's conviction and thoroughly obnoxious behavior united the ladies against him, turning a perceived threat into a real one that owed its success to the chaos that Drew's "leadership" created among the men.

Perhaps Drew should have spent less time objectifying women and labeling them bitches and more time paying attention to the real threat on his tribe...Natalie.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Lying and Trash Talking

I missed last week--I'm a Tigers fan, I was in mourning--but, apparently, I didn't miss much.

Rocker cut a deal with his new best pal Jeremy to protect each other's helpless women folk.

But Val, who apparently has a permanent seat in the front pew at the church of Why Tell A Small Lie When You Can Tell Two Really Big Ones, rendered Rocker's aid useless when she claimed to have two immunity idols, even though she had none because she couldn't be bothered to do more than take a cursory glance around. I search more thoroughly for the Chapsticks that the family cat jacks from me. Val will not be missed.

This week, Rocker made a target of himself with a public demonstration of the boorish behavior that made him a reviled sports figure and contributed to the sullying of his baseball career.

A man telling a woman that "if she were a man, he would knock her teeth out" is cause for concern, not an opportunity to gossip about said man's controversial past. I'm looking at you, Jeff Probst.

Fortunately, most of Rocker's tribe were as disgusted with him as we are and sent him packing, with the immunity idol that he was too arrogant to play still in his pocket.

If Julie McGee had any sense, she would have sent him packing too.

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur...Blood vs Water, The Second One

*Clears throat and recites out loud the following..."I must not judge and therefore loathe this season of Blood vs Water based on the debacle that was the first one."*

Because Survivor was once upon a very long time ago my favorite show on television, I will work at least as hard as Jeff Probst does to be the biggest shit stirrer on the island to identify the positive attributes of this season's questionable beginning.

There are no hasbeens. Unless, of course, you want to be picky and count the two CBS crossovers from The Amazing Race, and an attention seeking ex baseball player that claims he doesn't want to be recognized.

There is no Redemption Island. Mercifully, the obnoxious and irritating people that have been booted from their tribes will not have a safe haven where they are allowed to linger until given the opportunity to weasel their way back into the game.

There is an abundance of things to ponder. Why is a former Miss Michigan dressed to go to the mall instead of for survival in the jungle?

Why does a woman that claims she doesn't want to be known for her boobs leave them in constant danger of falling out of her clothes?

Why does a man make a target out of his wife by announcing that she needs him, defeat her in a challenge that would exile her, and then send the guy that broke his flint with a rock to "take care of her"?

Which brings us to what is clearly the most perplexing of all. Why for the sake of all that is holy in the happy land of reality television do people, after twenty-eight seasons, still stumble onto a Survivor set utterly incapable of starting a fire?

All of these questions have the same answer...human nature. It's what makes us do the questionable things that we do.

And it makes other people want to watch us to see what we'll do next.