Big Brother 14...A Puppet Becomes A Real Player

     Before I begin, I have two things to say to CBS.

     First, repeatedly showing your heavily edited footage of Willie Hantz's expulsion does not make those of us that possess more than the iota of common sense that you credit us with any more inclined to believe your version of the events that took place. It's true that the man is not a saint. He made mistakes out of frustration and perhaps a misguided belief that he could save the other members of his team even though they had outcasted him for something he did not do. He was provoked and he reacted in ways that we have seen house guests of seasons past behave without consequences. He is not, however, the monster that you keep trying to edit him into, so just stop it. It only makes you look bad.

     Second, and again I refer to the common sense that you seem to think we all lack, DO NOT force the "coaches" on us as valid players and pretend that we voted for them to enter the game. The coaches twist is the twist that never was. It is the excuse you used to make bringing in returning house guests more palatable for the fans who have repeatedly voiced our opinions (to no avail) regarding ringers forcing a game on us that we don't want to see. Let the newbies play the game they signed up for, and give the fans the game we want to see. History tells us that you won't. History tells us that you will probably do what most of us have suspected you would all along and allow the "coaches" into the game. We can't stop you. But pretending that it is something that we voted for will cost you what little credibility you have left, so do so at your own peril.

     And now for the first happy news that we've had from the Big Brother house since Willie's attempt to take the game back from the "coaches". The puppet masters have lost control of one of their puppets. Shane has managed to cut his strings and is running amok, to the chagrin of those that thought they were in charge of things this week. *starts hunting through emails for Barnes and Noble coupons*
     After doing his "coach's" bidding for the last two weeks, I didn't want to let myself hope that Shane would make good on the deal he struck with Boogie and Frank to target Janelle and her team. But that is exactly what he appears to be doing, and on his own terms.

     Apparently, his "coach" wanted Frank on the block as payback for Shane's nomination for eviction last week. Suck it Britney. Your one remaining puppet is emerging as a real player in the game that you've been playing for yourself. *begins printing coupons in happy anticipation of celebratory book buying and yummy coffee slurping* He has forged an alliance that you know nothing about and could possibly go to the end if he continues to ignore you when you speak.

     It seems that Boogie also expected Frank, his strongest player, to go up on the block to keep suspicion from falling upon their secret alliance with Shane. But Shane is not taking orders from him either. The HOH is running the house this week, not the "coaches", and order has been briefly restored to the universe.
     Hopefully, the other puppets are taking note, and one day soon we will have a house full of real players ready to take on the "coaches" that CBS will no doubt "officially" allow into the game on Thursday night. Unfortunately, the puppets seem content to be puppets and will likely remain so, the possible exceptions being Frank, who is vile and therefore dead to me, and Danielle, who only seems to be willing to trade one puppet master ("Coach" Dan) for another (Shane).
     So tell us what you think. Are you fed up with CBS's insults to our intelligence? Does Shane's transformation from puppet to real player give you hope that the others will follow his example? Or will Shane be taking on the "coaches" alone? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.    

Big Brother 14...No Honor Among Puppet Masters

     Last night's episode began with a rerun of CBS's self-serving edit of Willie's expulsion. This was immediately followed by a disgusting display of self-pity by that sorry excuse for a "coach" Britney, who promptly burst into tears and required comforting. As if that wasn't nauseating enough, we were then treated to a shot of Britney's fickle bestie Janelle celebrating with her alliance of the week, Boogie and his protege Frank.

     This evidence of Janelle breaking her sworn promise to Britney that she loathed Boogie and would never work with him under any circumstances was not what made this little scene difficult to watch. After all, Janelle made that promise way back in Week 1 when she was helping "Coach" Britney run the house. This is Week 2 and Britney is just another "coach" that doesn't have any power and is persona non grata (that means betrayed, scapegoated, and targeted and seems awfully familiar) in the house, and Janelle's special skills are now needed to help a different "coach" run the house. The logic is sound and this kind of cut-throat play is part of life in the Big Brother house. What made me gag was the genuine glee with which she pranced and bopped with someone she can't stand (Boogie) and someone she had said she wanted evicted (Frank), not just once but several times during the incessant indecision that was the hallmark of Week 1. Watching that woman in action is nothing short of disturbing.
     And then a conversation between Boogie, Frank, and Shane led to a deal that made me smile. The three of them are going to work together to take Janelle and her team down. It seems that Ironic Justice is going to be awfully busy in the near future. It is coming for Janelle disguised as Boogie and is already hard at work making Britney miserable, which she is mistakenly and predictably blaming on Willie. We just have to wait for Karma to arrive on a Search and Destroy mission with Frank as It's target and then it will be a party.
     Which leaves "Coach" Dan, who will be eliminated from the game tonight if his last remaining team member, Danielle, is evicted. He is a coach in real life, which made his speech to Danielle, declaring her to be on her own without any help from him, seem really mean and him incompetent. And then he explained to us during DR that this was a "tactic" designed to "make her fight harder". What it did was make her cry. A lot. The "tactic" gets a big fat F. The "coach" can have a D and some advice. Take the time to get to know your players well enough to know which coaching "tactics" from the Big Brother Coaching For Dummies Handbook will work on them. Not all puppets, er players, are the same.
     So, tell us what you think of last night's episode. Does the "coaches" turning on each other make you smile? And wouldn't their preoccupation with each other provide the best opportunity for the puppets to become real players and take over the house? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Some More Words About The Willie Hantz Expulsion

     Before I get to the travesty that was CBS's version of events that led up to the expulsion of Willie Hantz, let me just issue the following warning. I am in full blown menopausal misery (for the record, I am way too young for this shit) during the hottest summer suffered here since 1988, and I am in no mood to set an example for anybody. My favorite child will just have to do as I say and not as I do regarding this one thing.
     That said, let's kick some ass.

     Instigating Bitch. The CBS edit neglected to show us, or didn't want us to see, one of Big Brother's favorite darlings encouraging Joe to push Willie's buttons in an effort to detonate the walking talking time bomb that was Willie during his final days in the house. Janelle has been the disloyal pot calling the disloyal kettle names this season, but she has not done anything to make herself unlikable. Until now.

     Narcissistic Bitch. "Coach" Britney set it all in motion, then disavowed her own player in what was the most cold-hearted, self-serving move in Big Brother history. The exchange between Britney and Willie in the lounge was a glaring example of what being a member of Team Britney really means...getting mercilessly bitched out and blamed for what its supposed leader caused through self-serving actions.

     Obnoxious Troublemaking Asshole. Always eager to be part of the problem, Joe volunteers to trigger Willie's temper and, if I have been correctly informed, CBS heavily edited Joe's actions in this endeavor, probably so the fans wouldn't hate him more than we already do. After that awful performance he gave pretending that Willie hurt him, CBS needn't have bothered. It's way past too late for Joe.

     Lying Prick. One day, hopefully soon, Karma will unload a bazooka aimed at Frank's ass. And the malicious lie that he told about Willie will be the reason why.

     Culpable As Hell. CBS employs Allison Grodner and her herd of incompetents so, ultimately, they are responsible for the loathsome way that Willie's repeated attempts to seek help in the DR were ignored by production, and conveniently edited out of last night's episode. Editing Willie's exit in a way that makes them appear competent, doesn't make them so. The truth will always be the truth, no matter how it's spun.
     Now it's your turn to kick a little ass. You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Willie Hantz Gone But Not Forgotten

     There are no words strong enough to describe the current state of affairs in the Big Brother house. Actually there are, all of them profane, but my daughter, who has had quite the foul mouth on her lately, knows how to use the word hypocrite in the proper context.
     Some words I can use...

     Teller of heinous lies. I have always held gifted liars in the highest esteem, they get the farthest in this game. But there are some lines that should never be crossed, not even for a big pile of money, and that *whispers a profane word* Frank probably farted on it on his way over it. Willie DID NOT imitate Wil in a way that could be considered offensive. We all saw it because CBS showed it to us on Thursday night, probably so we could see and hear the same thing that Frank and Britney (I'll get to her in a minute) did. Frank lied about something vile that DID NOT happen in an effort to save himself from eviction. And it worked. That *whispers another even better profane word* is now at the tippy top of my list of people I want gone from the Big Brother house.

     "Victim" of her own stupidity and lack of moral compass. Britney knew who she was dealing with when she ran her mouth to Willie about the possibility of the coaches entering the game. She had to know that he would A. try to do something about it, and B. go about it in a way that would probably annoy the other newbies as well as plaster a big fat target on his back with the "coaches". It was a stupid thing to do and she deserves what happens next. Furthermore, she was present when Willie DID NOT make fun of Wil for being gay. She knew that Frank was lying, and that *shouts profane word for a woman's lady part because daughter has finally left for work* allowed the house to vilify an innocent man, who is also a member of her team, without speaking a single word in his defense. I want her gone. And, in the meantime, I want her to stop whining and blaming Willie for the troubles she brought on herself.

     Loudmouth troublemaker. He yells at me during DR, he is either incapable or unwilling to keep a secret, and he creates drama and chaos whenever and wherever anyone might be experiencing a moment of peace. He is everything I avoid. I want him gone too, hopefully with Ashley in a double eviction.

     My favorite Hantz. I labeled Willie a figurehead early in his reign as HOH because the decisions that were his to make were actually being made by his "coach" and her alliance, another "coach". To his credit, Willie made every effort to rectify this situation once it was brought to his attention. He attempted to organize a rebellion, rallying the newbies to play the game they had signed up for rather than the one their "coaches" were using them to play for themselves. He was accused of something vile by someone, that *whispers profane word for location of male's second brain because husband is now home and has been known to blab to daughter* Frank, who, according to one of my sources (daughter's friend with access to Live Feeds), later admitted that he told this lie to secure someone's (Ashley's?) vote. He was then treated heinously by pretty much everyone in the house over something he didn't do. My source also tells me that Willie was even treated badly by members of his own team, including his "coach" Britney who laid all the blame for problems, caused by her utter lack of leadership skills and her inability to keep her trap shut, on him.
     I wish I could say that he handled these hardships well. I believe that he did the best he could. It couldn't have been easy to live with being unjustly labeled homophobic and then scapegoated, and, if faced with the prospect of being trapped in a house with people that would do that to someone, I don't know that I could have kept my temper either.

     As I understand it, Willie warned the posse running the house this week what was coming and then proceeded to give CBS several reasons to expel him. I cannot support his doing this because I oppose violence, except the verbal kind hurled at a big-nosed *whispers profane word for a female dog* who has gone out of her way to provoke an altercation and therefore deserves it, but I do understand why he did it. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Willie did not deserve what happened to him in that house. I will miss him. He was the only one not willing to play the "coaches" game and, for this, I respect him.
     I have a few thoughts about the puppets that Willie left behind and CBS for the part they played in perpetuating his downward spiral, but I'm out of words I can use. For now.
     So tell us what you think. Do you agree with Willie's choice to leave the game? Or should he have stayed and let others determine his fate in the game? And what about the people responsible for the position he ultimately found himself in? What kind of words do you have for them? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...Hell Has Been Raised

     How does one celebrate such delicious news? I know how it would have gone down in the days before I had a teenage daughter to set a good example for, but these days I will just have to settle for a trip to Barnes and Noble where I will purchase books with reckless abandon ( that means without concerning myself about such trivial matters as cost or where the hell I'm going to put them) and indulge in the biggest white chocolate mocha I can get Starbucks to sell me. Heaven. Absolute Heaven.
     So what, may you ask, has me in such a celebratory mood when what I should be doing is plotting my escape from the pit of despair that Sunday night's episode of Big Brother cast me into? Well, my informant tells me that the newbies are in full on rebellion mode and hell has not only been raised but it is tearing through the Big Brother house with a wicked fury that is delightful to behold.
     Not that I don't trust my daughter to deal straight with me about something this important (I do control her allowance and her freedom after all), but one of my hard and fast rules is to always verify the validity of a juicy rumor before spreading it. So, what should have been a glamorous morning spent cleaning bathrooms and Hoovering an appalling amount of dog hair from the carpets was invested instead in a search for the truth, which, HALLELUJAH and thank you very much, was posted in all my favorite blogs and will be summarized for you here. For all the gloriously gory details check out any of the fine Big Brother blogs scattered about for your entertainment. I will be posting a list of my favorites as soon as I get the Blogger widget thingy all figured out.
     As I understand it, Britney, suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, blabbed to Willie hers and Janelle's theory that the coaches would be entering the game at some point. Incensed over being used by the coaches to further their own game, Willie calls a newbies only house meeting and, faster than you can say Russell Hantz's brother, he has the troops whipped into a coach hating frenzy and ready to do battle for their right to play for a half million dollars without interference from the hasbeens that were foisted on them by a double dealing CBS.
     While it's true that the newbies' shift to DEFCON 2 (that's war readiness for those of you whose fathers weren't in the Air Force) would not go unnoticed by the "coaches" for long, they were alerted unnecessarily early by Joe, who apparently suffers from the same affliction as Britney, and now it's on.

     What happened next was probably the result of one man's crusade to put an end to the newbie rebellion that he opposes for reasons I cannot fathom. Joe attempts to take out its fearless leader by pouring Willie's risky secret plan involving Thursday night's vote into Frank's ear. While reassuring Frank that he will not be evicted this week, Willie apparently does a passable imitation of Wil's southern accent, which then triggers the kind of shitstorm seldom seen outside of anywhere that adolescents congregate and, of course, the Big Brother house.

     I doubt that even Frank knows what drove him to do what he does next, but straight to blabbermouth Joe he goes and tells him, get this, that Willie made fun of Wil for being gay. Joe, Big Brother's resident shit stirrer, can't wait to open his big fat mouth and repeat this blatant lie to EVERYBODY.
     The result is the aforementioned shitstorm. Willie gets labeled a homophobe in absentia (he's up in the HOH room oblivious to the beating that his good name is taking) and the house gets to planning his lynching.

     Once somebody, I think it was Britney blabbing something she should for a change, clues Willie in, it doesn't take long for him to get himself out to the yard and call Frank out for the liar that he is in front of everybody, except for Ian who seems to be living mostly in whatever reality show is going on inside his head. Even Boogie and Dan are present and awake for a change. Apparently what ensued should not be missed by anyone and it is my sincere wish that CBS bless us with it in it's entirety before the vote tomorrow night.
     So tell us what you think. Does a potential rebellion make you want to celebrate in your favorite way? If so, are you concerned that yesterday's drama in the yard will end the rebellion before it even gets going? And what about all the excessive running off at the mouth that these people are doing? Is it bugging you yet, or are you loving the fallout from it? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

Big Brother 14...A Twist Gone Horribly Wrong

     Big Brother took a great big whizz in my Cinnamon Toast Crunch Sunday night. My fear that this summer's game would be played by the four returning house guests, rather than the newbies, was confirmed in spectacular high definition as what was supposed to be a mere twist morphed into the main event. The "coaches" have made the game all about them and the newbies are letting them.
     Britney and Janelle have teamed up to avenge the losses they both suffered in their seasons to guys that they attempted to use to get them to the end. The users got used by players better than them at that particular game, plain and simple. But these ladies don't see it that way. They see themselves as victims and, to them, this season is nothing more than an opportunity (that they are entitled to by the way) to take what had been so unfairly denied to them previously. So now we have Team Sour Grapes setting themselves in opposition to Boogie and Dan, who must work together or perish.

     If any proof was needed that the "coaches" are running this game, one need look no further than the two newbies, Kara and Frank, sitting on the Block, victims of a plot hatched by Team Sour Grapes intended to turn Dan and Boogie against each other. Kara is a member of Team Dan and Frank team Boogie and, if they are both unfortunate enough to remain on the Block, their fate will be determined by the brain trust powering Team Sour Grapes. It will come down to whether Britney wants Kara gone, as a step closer to eliminating Dan from the game, more than Janelle wants to settle an old grudge with Boogie, which would send Frank out the door.

     Even more frustrating to me than the self-serving "coaches" is the complacent (because they're starstruck?), almost animatronic newbies who are behaving as though they exist in the Big Brother house merely to do the "coaches" bidding. Willie is just a figurehead up in the HOH room, Kara's and Frank's asses are on the Block because Britney and Janelle wanted them there, and if what I've been told is true (my daughter watches BBAD; she's a teenager, she stays up all night and sleeps all day), the POV winner does exactly what his "coaches" tell him to do. If the puppets, uh newbies, continue in this vein, this season will be unwatchable.
     So I'm taking it back. CBS did NOT get it right. Like a benevolent Santa they bestowed upon us what promised to be a successful twist, but then all Grinchlike they sabotaged our Christmas in July present by dumping "coaches" with their own agendas into the middle of what could have been a great game. Not cool CBS. Y'all need to fix this pronto. I don't care how. Embrace that Nike slogan and Just Do It.
     One last thing. Ian has joined Ashley on my short list of newbies that I would like to see sitting next to that Jeff Probst wannabe Julie Chen ASAP. He is a creeper. He tippytoes around the house talking to himself and behaving weirdly. He lurks pervelike in the bathroom hoping to get a glimpse of naked lady parts. According to my BBAD source, he asked Ashley for a date and she accepted. I knew there was something wrong with her.
     So tell us what you think of this CBS engineered clusterfuck. Do you want to see the "coaches" booted out on their self-serving asses? Or are you enjoying the Team Sour Grapes vs. Team Play Dead show? You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.

***I would like to extend my gratitude to the folks at Big Brother Junkies for the photo of Willie Hantz. It pretty much says it all, doesn't it. HOH indeed.***

Big Brother 14...Let The Hell Raising Begin

     All hail Big Brother. Thus far, this has been the summer of suck. The Closer is airing its final episodes (depressing), the storylines over at True Blood are lame and boring (annoying), and my used to be favorite judge on America's Got Talent forced a zero talent "singer" named Big Barry (who isn't big by any stretch of the imagination) on a very pissed off America who didn't appreciate some of their favorites being sent home to make room for him (depressing and annoying). Howard Stern has it right. Howie Mandel owes us an apology. And until we get one I'm boycotting AGT, which doesn't leave me with much to keep me entertained and out of trouble, unless, of course, Big Brother doesn't suck again this summer. So please, please, please don't let what I saw the other night be just my poor desperate mind playing tricks on me because it showed all the signs of being this summer's one saving grace and my own personal salvation.
     This season is showing some real promise. It began with a great big resounding HOORAY when it was revealed that none of the four returning house guests were--let me see...what did I call her before...oh yeah--that vile woman with a borderline personality disorder and an intensely annoying, whiny teenage girl voice. A Big Brother season without Rachel Reilly is a good season. Period.
     I also have to say that, as far as twists go, having the returning houseguests mentor the newbies has definite possibilities, providing that the game doesn't become a competition between the coaches with the newbies nothing more than collateral damage as the coaches settle old grudges or stroke their own egos.
     It's tough to call after only one episode (I don't subscribe to the Live Feeds, I just don't have that kind of time, and BBAD is on way past my bedtime), but the newbies seem likeable enough, except for Ashley, owner of a mobile spray tanning company, who makes me cringe every time she speaks and the vets, Britney (Season 12), Mike Boogie (Season 2 player and Season 7 winner), Janelle (Seasons 6 and 7), and Dan (Season 10 winner), have proven themselves entertaining in the past, well, except for Dan who flew under the radar in his season by becoming one with the furniture, so I believe we have reason to hope that this season will turn out to be a good one. After the last two seasons, there really is nowhere to go but up, but being Rachelless and possessing a twist with potential has already lifted the current season above trash level (Seasons 12 and 13) and mediocrity (Season 11). I will be practicing optimism (translation: hoping for the best as I brace myself for the worst) as I watch tonight's show.
     So, tell us what you think. Is there reason to hope, or have you seen something that has made you swear off this season already? And what about those coaches? Did CBS get it right? For the record, I think they did and I hope Britney and her team kick some serious ass this summer. You've seen it. It's fair game. Let's talk about it.